We Are Broken
by You Can Say I Dream Big
Summary: A broken and angst-ridden boy meets a fiery, hot-tempered, red-headed girl with a hidden past.  Will they be able to heal each other's years of pain? ...Rated T  for now  for cutting/mentions of abuse/and some romance. *Re-named, previously 'Worthy'*
1. Worthy

**_**ALL CHARACTERS AND EVERYTHING ELSE MORTAL INSTRUMENTS RELATED ARE OWNED BY CASSANDRA CLARE** No copyright infringement intended. _**

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><p>He looked out the window and saw a flash of bright red. It resembled nothing of the blood flowing from his hip, but of fire. The brilliant color was attached to a person; a girl. She seemed to glow. It was almost if her soul shining. <em>I <em>_will __never __be __worthy __of __someone __so __pure, _the boy thought to himself as he cut another deep gash into his right hip. He now had blood flowing from both hips.

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><p>It started three years ago, after his mother died. He was 16. His father was a drunk and his mother was a coward. In the beginning he mourned her death, but over the years he became angry. He was angry at his mother for killing herself, for being so selfish, for thinking she had suffered the worst. But now, what of his suffering? He didn't understand how she could leave him here all by himself. His father rarely came out of his room. He abused the boy, verbally and physically. The boy was struck, spat at, and screamed at. After a few long weeks of heavy abuse the boy's father retreated into his room, only coming out when he needed to restock his alcohol supply. This is when the boy began cutting himself.<p>

Keeping mostly to his chest and hips, he soon found that the flowing blood was the only proof that he was still alive. He cut his arms only when he was feeling particularly selfish or when he craved attention, for he know what people said: only those who wanted people to know about them cut their arms. And so, the boy cut open scar after scar. He never let anyone see his scars. He insisted on keeping on his t-shirt when he was with past girlfriends and when it came to exposing the scars on his hips he made sure that both parties were too drunk to remember ever seeing them.

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><p>Hearing a high-pitched laugh brought him out of his thoughts. He looked out his window and across the street. The short red-haired girl was standing on the corner with a much taller girl with long black hair, approaching them was a lanky, nerdy boy. He hugged the red-haired girl, kissed the taller girl on the cheek, and grabbed her hand and the three of them walked down the street.<p>

_I will never be worthy, _he thought again as he gracefully slid his razor across his arm.

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><p><strong>AN: So, I'm not too fond of really long author's notes, but seeing as this is my first chapter of my first (ever) story, I think I can make an exception. I know this first chapter/prologue is super short, but hopefully it will give you insight as to where the story will be heading (also I should be starting at least one of my three papers due next week). Because I am a busy college student, updates will be slow - I'M SO SORRY. I will do my best, I promise. So for now, enjoy this little tid bit of "Worthy"! Reviews are always welcome :)**

**~E **


	2. Pandemonium

****_ALL CHARACTERS AND EVERYTHING MORTAL INSTRUMENTS RELATED IS OWNED BY CASSANDRA CLARE**_**

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><p>When Simon reached them, he first hugged Clary and then quickly kissed Isabelle on the cheek. After grabbing her hand, the three of them walked down the street to the local diner, Taki's.<p>

"So Clary…" Simon said, looking down as they were walking.

"So Simon," Clary replied.

"As my best friends of ten years, and trust me those have been the best ten years of -"

"Oh get to the point Simon!" Clary cut him off, already knowing that he wanted something.

"The new version of Call of Duty comes out tonight at midnight," he said very slowly and then suddenly, very fast, said "and I was wondering if you would stand in line with me"

Clary sighed, "Of course I'll wait with you."

"But only _after_ Pandemonium, I just bought this amazing dress and I am determined to wear it tonight." Izzy said. She hated standing in lines, especially for video games, so she didn't mind that Simon had asked Clary first to join him. It was better chick, _Maia._ But Izzy was above jealousy, obviously.

"Of course," Simon said as he kissed Izzy on the temple.

Clary rolled her eyes and not-so-subtly coughed, "Whipped" and held the door to Taki's open for the couple.

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><p>"I honestly don't know how you find these dresses, Iz." Clary looked at herself in the mirror and thought she looked pretty good. She was in strapless black dress, which came to just above her knees, with a thick white strip running down the middle. A decorative zipper ran half way down the front of the dress and Izzy unzipped it until it exposed the top of her moderately sized chest. To top off the outfit, Clary borrowed a pair of Izzy's red heals, bringing her to a total of 5'6".<p>

Izzy just shrugged modestly and flipped her hair long black hair over her shoulder, "I have an eye for style, I guess." She looked at me with a straight face and Clary couldn't help but laugh out loud. After looking confused for a moment, Izzy joined in. "Damn, it's going to be a good night." She was dressed for the evening in a mid-thigh high dress, also black. But her dress was solid black, and combined with her long, silky, black hair she looked like a beautiful Goth goddess. After a few more minutes of applying make-up and styling hair, the girls were ready for a night on the town.

"Alright," Izzy and Clary looked at themselves in the mirror, "I think we're finally ready!"

"Good," Clary nodded, "I think the boys are getting restless."

Izzy just shrugged, "Whatever, they will appreciate it." Clary smiled and they walked out of her room and down the hall to their waiting dates.

Waiting by the door were Simon and Sebastian. Simon was dressed in his usual jeans and t-shirt. Izzy walked up to him and they began kissing passionately. Sebastian Verlac was a bit dressier, sporting jeans and a black blazer over a plain white shirt.

"Hey, babe," he said to Clary as she walked up to him. He wrapped an arm around her waist and pulled her in for a kiss. They broke away after a couple of seconds and looked at Simon and Izzy; they were still going. Sebastian looked at Clary who just raised her eyebrows and shrugged as if to say _'__Why__not?__'_ and he turned her around and pushed her up against the wall. "You look beautiful, as always." He whispered, his lips grazing her ear. Clary sighed and Sebastian leaned down and began kissing up and down her neck.

"Mmmm, you smell so good," Clary couldn't help but notice as she twisted her fingers in his dark hair. Sebastian brought his face to meet hers and they gazed into each other's eyes before their lips met once again. After about 15 minutes of making out, both couples decided it was time to go to the club. Simon and Izzy walked hand-in-hand and Sebastian draped an arm over Clary's shoulder. As they walked the few blocks to the Pandemonium, Clary looked up at Sebastian. He met her gaze with a dangerous glint in his eyes, all adoration and affection from before was lost. Clary suppressed an exasperated sigh. _So, __it __was __going __to __be __one __of __those __nights, _she thought to herself as the line to enter the club became visible.

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><p>He entered the club, the lights blinded him immediately but he didn't care. He made his way over to the bar and found Kaelie. She was in her bartender's uniform and he took a few moments to admire her figure, his eyes lingering on her chest as it poured out of her slightly too small top. She caught him looking and smiled and looked up at him.<p>

"What can I do for you tonight?" She asked, her intentions not lost on him.

He knew he was extremely good-looking, better than anyone in this club, and he played it to his advantage. He leaned over the counter, his face only inches away from hers, "My usual, please." He smiled and sat back down on his bar stool, without being carded, and turned to face the crowd, not before he saw her disappointed expression. He smirked and shook his head; they had 'dated' previously and he broke things off when she started asking questions about why they had to be drunk to have sex. Now they're relationship was strictly bartender-client based. He knew it upset her, but he never really cared about her. He watched the dance floor and noticed packs of girls walking by him, giggling and eyeing him up. He flashed one of his seductive smiles and they all laughed louder.

"What a tease," he heard Kaelie say behind him. He turned to see her place his drink on the counter and then watched her walk away to help another client. He grabbed his drink and took a long pull. It was just what he needed, gin and tonic. He watched various groups of dancers before settling on a girl with very distinct red hair. He almost didn't recognize the girl from earlier that day. He rarely remembered anything when he was going through one of his episodes. But he saw her and remembered her. Her hair flowed down and around her shoulders in tight red curls and her short dress rode up every time she slightly bent her knees. He didn't realize he was staring until he saw that she was staring back at him. It was then that he registered the fact that she was dancing with someone, another guy. His hands were possessively sliding all over her body, over her stomach, up her sides, down to her hips where he pulled her closer to him. She didn't show any emotion on her face, but she didn't break the gaze either. After another minute of staring at the girl, he swallowed the rest of his drink, got off the bar stool and began making his way toward the dancing couple.

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><p><strong>AN: Whoo, finished up this chapter pretty quick tonight...that's 2 in one night :) hope you enjoy this chapter, it's just the beginning! Love reviews:)**


	3. Expressions

_****ALL CHARACTERS AND EVERYTHING MORTAL INSTRUMENTS RELATED BELONGS TO CASSANDRA CLARE****_

**Okay, quick A/N on the title of this chapter. I had no clue what to call it, honestly. But as I read through it, I saw that I used the word 'expression' a lot. So that's where the title comes from. I'm sorry if it was misleading or confusing. **

**Enjoy!**

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><p>They were dancing, her hips swaying to the beat of the music, Sebastian's hands were pulling her closer. She was pressed up against his chest as he held her from behind. Their hips moved in sync and she could feel him place a kiss on her neck every so often.<p>

"Are you coming over later tonight?" He asked in her ear, his words were slightly slurred. There were there for about 30 minutes, but it was always the same. As soon as they walked in Seb and Simon walked over to the bar while Clary and Izzy made their way to the dance floor. About ten minutes later Clary could feel Seb's hand slide around her waist.

"Nope," she shook my head. "I promised Si that I would wait with him for his videogame."

She could almost feel him roll his eyes, "How 'bout after?" She felt his grip tighten on her hips.

"It'll be late; I don't want to wake your mom up." _Or __wake __your __drunk-ass __up,_she added mentally.

His fingers curled and she felt them digging into her hips. "Clary -" he said through clenched teeth.

She patted his hand on her left hip and turned around to face him. "Tomorrow, okay?"

"Sure babe," he said, but his grip on her was tight as ever. "And Clary? I'll hold you to that." His voice sounded casual, as if it was a joke, but she could see the threatening look in his eyes. She had no doubt that he would follow through.

She turned back around and as she did she saw a flash of gold in her peripheral vision. Turning her head in the direction of the bar, she saw that there, sitting by himself, was a guy. Everything about him seemed _golden._ His skin was lightly tanned to glowing bronze color, his hair was blonde which hung right about his eyes – which were golden orbs. _Orbs, _she thought, _that__'__s __exactly __what __they __are._ They showed no emotion, it was a very stoic expression. Clary thought it suited him well, even though she knew nothing about him. While looking at him, she could feel her own expression change to match his blank look. She didn't realize he was staring back at her until he got off his bar stool and began walking toward them. _Them._ Sebastian was still behind Clary, she knew that his reaction could go one of two ways. Worry seemed to leak into her eyes because she saw the boy pull one side of his mouth up into a smirk, silently accepting the challenge.

. . .

"Hey man, can I dance with your girl for a bit?" Sebastian looked up from his girlfriend's mess of red hair at the sound of a challenging voice. Standing in from of them was a guy with blonde hair with an amused look in his eyes. Sizing him up immediately, Seb knew this was the guy that Clary had been staring at. On any other night he would have to the blonde dude to fuck off, but while they were staring at each other he was eyeing up a sexy bartender.

"Sure, whatever man," he said, trying to sound as casual as possible. He wrapped his hands around Clary's slim arms and squeezed a little. It was hard enough for Clary to get the point, but it was light enough that the guy waiting for her didn't catch onto his warning.

He let go and sauntered over to the bar and ordered a beer. Less than a minute later he heard someone say "Hey" in his ear. He turned and was face to face with the bartender he was looking at before. Without hesitation her lips came crashing down on his as she set his beer on the counter. _Really? __I __ordered __a __beer, __such __a __waste._He pulled away and looked to the dance floor. He saw the guy with blonde hair and his girlfriend standing extremely close together.

"What's your name, gorgeous?" he asked, turning back to the bartender.

"Kaelie," was all she said.

"Well, Kaelie, I am about to give you the ride of your life." He got up from the bar and grabbed her arm and walked her over to the Backroom. The club was so crowded that no one noticed the pair slip into the room, with Sebastian locking the door behind him.

. . .

They weren't even dancing. They were just standing in the middle of the dance floor.

"Hi," the boy smiled, lighting up his golden eyes. It gave Clary a strange feeling in her stomach, a feeling she hasn't felt in about three years.

"Hi," she managed to squeak. She saw his mouth move, but couldn't hear what he was saying due to the overpowering music. She stepped closer to him, close enough to see his shirt was formed to his perfectly toned chest. "What did you say?"

"What's your name?" He spoke louder, despite their closeness.

"Clary."

He nodded, "So are we just going to stand here and wait for your boyfriend or…" He trailed off, letting her imagination fill in the blank.

However, she glanced over to the closed door of the Backroom and then quickly redirected her gaze to the floor, knowing where her 'boyfriend' was. "Actually, I think I should wait for a little bit longer. You know, give him a chance to put his close back on and everything." She wasn't sad or angry, merely used to the fact that Seb disappeared from the dance floor sometimes. She knew what he did and where he did it. She looked up at the confused expression of the boy and she glanced at the Backroom again.

He must have caught onto what she was hinting at and his eyes widened and he said "Oh," and sensing that she didn't want to talk about it added, "in that case, can I get you a drink?" He smiled and she knew that he genuinely was being nice, not creepy like most of the guys that came here.

She smiled back, "I'm underage."

His smile widened and leaned in to speak in to her ear, "So am I."

Liking the sound of his voice, she nodded and let him gently place his hand on the small of her back as he guided her to the bar. "Pick your poison," he said as they sat down.

She thought about it and figured it was best to play it safe, just in case. "Vodka tonic, please." He just stared at her, his mouth pulled up into that cute smirk of his.

"Shot of whiskey for me," he gave his order to the bartender. Clary was so busy looking back at the mysterious, albeit, sexy boy sitting across from her to notice the bartender.

Soon their drinks were brought to them and he downed his shot right away. They made small talk, she told him that she was an art student at the Institute and he told her that he volunteered as a coach for the local youth soccer team.

After a few more minutes of chit-chat Clary looked at her cell phone. She saw three missed calls and four text messages – all from Simon. "Shit," she put her, now empty, glass on the counter and got up. "I have to meet my friend at the videogame store."

The boy raised an eyebrow. "Videogame store?"

"Yes, the new release of some game is tonight. I promised I'd wait in line with him."  
>"Him?" the boy inquired.<p>

"My best friend. He's probably so pissed right now." She started walking away when she felt a warm hand grab her wrist. She involuntarily flinched.

"Can I see you tomorrow?" he noticed her reflex and let her go.

"I'd like that," she saw his expression and he looked…surprised? Did he really thing she was going to say no? "There's a small park just across the street from the diner, Taki's, do you know where that is, around noon?"

He smiled and nodded, "Yes and yes. Until tomorrow, Clary." He turned around and sat back down on his bar stool.

She was about to step out of the club when she ran back inside. _How __incredibly __stupid __of __me._ She ran back to the bar where the boy held another shot in his hand. "I am so sorry," she tried to catch her breath. "What's your name?"

He looked at her for a few seconds, "Jace," was all he said.

"Jace," she repeated. "I'll see you tomorrow, Jace." He nodded and she made her way back to the exit and walked in the direction of the videogame store.

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><p><strong>AN: I just want to say thank you so much for everyone who added this story to their Favorites/Alerts and reviewed! It seriously made my day! I'm trying to make the chapters a little bit longer, but I mostly just want to update the story and get it out there for people to read. So, we'll see how things go. And thanks again to everyone! Chapter 3 is in the works :) Now go ahead and hit that review button and let me know what you think. **

**PS - I am open to any and all criticism, constructive is preferred of course, but be honest, I love hearing what people think!**


	4. Memories

**_**ALL CHARACTERS AND EVERYTHING MORTAL INSTRUMENTS RELATED BELONGS TO CASSANDRA CLARE**_**

**Chapter Song:  
>(For Clary's scene) Gone Too Soon - Simple Plan<strong>

_***Lyrics to Gone Too Soon belong to Simple Plan and it's respective owners* **_

_The scene in Italics is a flashback._

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><p>Clary walked home after waiting with Simon for his videogame. She intended to change into her favorite sweats and crash into her bed. When she got to her small house, she opened the door, put her keys on the side table, and saw her mother sitting on the couch. Clary sighed inwardly; she knew she wasn't going to sleep any time soon.<p>

"Mom," Clary approached her mother and touched her cheek to get her attention. Her skin was clammy and cold. "How long have you been sitting here? It's late, you should get some sleep."

She grabbed a blanket off the back of the couch and started to cover her mother when she pushed it away. "No, J-J-Jonathan must come home first." She began rocking back and forth and Clary noticed her hands were slightly shaking. She forced the blanket on her mother's lap and walked into the kitchen. She leaned against the counter and looked out the window at the forest that was their backyard. She let out a long, slow sigh. "Jonathan's not coming back Mom, ever." She spoke quietly, but she knew her mother didn't hear her, she never really listened to anything Clary said.

Clary shook her head and opened up a cabinet and took out a glass. She filled it up with water and looked at the different bottles that were lined up on the counter. It took her a couple of tries before she found what she needed: sleeping pills.

She walked back out to her mother and gasped at what she saw. Her mother was standing in front of the window with a picture frame in her hand. Clary looked at her for a few moments before carefully approaching her.

"Here Mom, this will help." Clary offered her the glass and pill, but her mother didn't move from the window.

Instead she said, "Where is he, Clary?" Her voice was quiet and she sounded like a child missing their teddy bear: so sad, so…lost.

Clary tried giving her mother the pill again. "Mom, please. Take this." She tried to keep the desperation out of her voice. This time her mother looked at her. Clary took one look at her mother's empty, tear-filled eyes and her stomach dropped. She looked so sad and her eyes seemed to look right past Clary. However, she walked over to her and took the pill out of Clary's hand.

"Will it make him come back?" Clary's mother asked as she put the pill in her mouth and used the water to wash it down. Clary could only nod. If she opened her mouth she was afraid that she would break too. And she couldn't do that, not now when her mother was just barely hanging onto reality.

Clary walked her mother to her room and tucked her into bed. She kissed her forehead and whispered, "Goodnight, Mom," as she noticed the pill taking affect already.

After gently closing her mother's bedroom door, Clary picked up the picture her mother was holding. It was her brother, Jonathan's senior picture. He was wearing a plain white button up shirt and black jeans. He had his hands in his pockets and was leaning against one of the trees in their backyard. His posture was casual and light, as if there was nothing to worry about and all was right with the world.

Clary closed her eyes and tried to control the raging emotions she felt inside. When she opened her eyes tears immediately began running down her face. _If __only __Jonathan __was __here_, she thought. But if he was there, nothing would be like it was now. Life would be better, happier, easier. Just because of him. His presence made everything better. And now that he was gone, everything seemed empty. Their house suddenly seemed too big for the two of them, the days were longer, and of course Clary's mother began a downward spiral of depression.

Clary set the frame on the coffee table so it faced the couch and she sat down. Staring at the picture she let herself sob for ...who knows how long. After a while, Clary rubbed her eyes and stood up. Taking deep breaths, Clary mentally chided herself for letting herself break like that. She knew it would do no good, it wouldn't bring Jon back and she had to keep going. For her sake, for her mother's sake, and for Jon. He wouldn't want her to live like that. She had to be the strong one. With one last deep breath she walked up the stairs to her bedroom. Once inside she grabbed a small messenger bag, her sketchpad and a few charcoal pencils. She walked downstairs and walked out of her house and in the direction of the park across from the diner.

. . .

He tripped in the door, cursing the threshold as he walked into his dark house. He headed straight for the stairs; not wanting to know where his father was at the moment. He left the club shortly after Clary did; suddenly feeling that it was way too crowded. He got to his room and sat down on the small bench in front of his window. Closing his eyes he leaned his head against the cool surface.

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><p><em>A grunt.<em>

_A scream._

_A child crying._

_The young boy stood in the middle of their wrecked living room. His father walked over to him, grabbed a glass bottle from the table, and backhanded the boy across the face causing him to stumble and fall backwards._

_"Stop crying," he grumbled, and then took a drink from the bottle._

_The boy became quiet, but the tears still ran down his face. He brushed the blonde curls that fell in front of his eyes out of the way. "Why Daddy?" he whispered, his eyes filled with sadness and hurt._

_His father glared at him and repeated what he said, "I said stop crying."_

_The boy wiped his eyes dry and looked over at his mother. "Mommy?"_

_His mother was struggling to stand up; she was leaning against the wall, clutching her side. Her breathing was labored and her eyes were filled with fear. Fear for her son. "Shh, Jace. It's okay. It'll all be okay. I promise, baby." She tried to comfort him from afar, but all she really wanted was to pick him in her arms and run away._

_The boy watched his father turn away and walk back to his mother. "To love is to destroy, son," he said in a quiet, calm voice. Then he threw a forceful punch to the already beaten and bloodied woman, his own wife, in front of him. She immediately fell to the floor in a crumpled heap. She did not get up this time._

_The boy's father just walked away retreating into his office._

_The boy walked over to his mother and kneeled down next to her. He could feel her breath on his skin and knew she was still alive. Tears began falling down his face again as the young boy laid down next to his broken mother, wishing and dreaming of a better life._

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><p>His eyes snapped open, they were dry. He no longer had the ability to cry. That night, when he was only five years old, was the last time he cried. He went to grab his razor when he realized he already held it in his hand. He looked down and noticed several cuts high up on his hip. He didn't even remember or feel himself create those cuts. The alcohol numbed the pain. Wanting to feel something, anything, he started on the other hip. He made a deep gash for every thought that ran through his mind.<p>

_I couldn't save her._

_I can't even save myself._

_I'm so weak._

_I'm worthless._

_To love is to destroy._

After the last one, he closed his eyes and let the stinging pain overwhelm him. He reveled in it; it was just what he needed. He looked at the surfacing blood. The deep red color reminded him of something else that was red. The girl from the club. Clary. Her flaming red hair was burned into his mind. There was something about her that made her different than any other girl he knew. Then he remembered what she said about her boyfriend, how he out-right cheated on her. He clenched his fist, the one that did not hold the razor. How could anyone do that to someone so beautiful, so genuine?

Right then and there he made a promise to protect her from the cruelties of the world. If he couldn't save himself, he would do everything he could to save her. With this new wave of protectiveness washing over him, he suddenly wanted to get out of his house.

A few minutes later he stood in front of Taki's, looking across the street at the park they would be meeting at the next day, or rather later that day. He quickly crossed the street and entered the park. It looked like no one came to this park very often. The swings, slide, and jungle gym looked rusty and there were weeds growing up the sides of everything. Clearly they haven't been used in a long time. He sat down on a bench that faced the abandoned playground. Not too long after, he heard a faint rustling behind him and his head snapped around. It was about 3 in the morning , who would be out now? What he saw was not what he expected though. There, standing not five feet away from him was a very stunned red-headed girl.

"Clary," he breathed. He felt as if he barely got her name out, but in the deafening silence around them it sounded like he spoke at a normal volume. She was dressed the same as she was in the club, even though that was about three hours ago. He could see her black and white dress more clearly now. He noticed how it clung to her body, accenting her beautiful curves. However, when she spoke he could tell something was wrong.

"What are you doing here?" Long gone was the cheerful, slightly flirty, voice he remembered when they met. Her voice sounded dead and defeated.

He stood up and slowly walked towards her, not answering her question. "Are you alright? Why are you out so late and by yourself? Did your - "

"I couldn't sleep." She simply answered before he could ask about her douche bag boyfriend. When he closed the space between them, she seemed unsure of what to do. He noticed she was fidgeting with her hands.

"Do you want to sit?" She only nodded. He offered his hand and she slipped one of hers into his.

Looking at the size difference made him want to laugh. Hers was so small and delicate, his was larger and rougher. He led her to the bench and she let go of his hand. Surprise disappointment flooded through him. He wanted to feel the life that coursed through him when he touched her, even though she looked anything but lively.

Now sitting down, he realized it didn't help anything. Instead of standing awkwardly, they were now sitting awkwardly.

"Clary I - "

"Maybe I should go." They both said at the same time.

"Oh," he turned to try to hide another wave of disappointment. "If you really want to."

"Well, we are meeting tomorrow right? I should try to get some sleep." He didn't miss the hopefulness in her voice. He was so happy that he couldn't stop the small joke that slipped from his mouth.

"Well technically it is tomorrow."

She let out a short chuckle of relief. "Yes, I guess it is." Looking up from the ground for the first time since they sat down, she looked at him in the eye for a minute or two. He gazed right back at her emerald green eyes and after what seemed like an eternity, she stood up. "I'm going to head home."

"I'll walk you back" he said, standing up also.

"No, it's okay. I live pretty close." And with that she turned and walked away.

He waited a few seconds before following her, not forgetting the promise he made earlier. When he watched her enter her house he waited outside for a little while longer, just looking at her house. Sighing, he closed and opened his eyes and began to walk back to his own house.

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><p><strong>AN: A few things this time. First - Thank you, thank you, thank you to everyone that has been reviewing and adding this story to their Favorites and Alerts. I appreciate everything! Second, I was unsure if I wanted to put a song to this chapter...I've read stories that have chapter songs and I love them. But when I was thinking about the other chapters, I couldn't think of a song for them. But for this chapter, the Simple Plan song seemed perfect for Clary's feelings toward Jonathan. Third (and last), I apologize for any mistakes made in this chapter. It's pretty late (3am...ironic) and I re-read it a few times. Hopefully I caught most of the mistakes, but if not - sorry. This chapter was a bit longer, saying I had fun writing it would be kind of sadistic. But I really did enjoy it. Hope you enjoy it too:) Was having Clary and Jace meet in the park too cliche? This chapter was full of dark and serious scenes, I thought adding that bit of cuteness would be like light in all the darkness. Keep the reviews coming! Love all of you guys!**

**PS (sorry this is sooo long) - I am thinking about changing the title of the story. "Worthy" will replace 'Prologue'. I was thinking about re-naming the story "We Are Broken". I don't want to change it before hearing what you all think, so let me know please! :)**


	5. Connection

_****ALL CHARACTERS AND EVERYTHING MORTAL INSTRUMENTS RELATED IS OWNED BY CASSANDRA CLARE****_

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><p>Clary woke up a few hours after she left the park. Rolling over in her bed, she looked at her alarm clock. It read 10:07 am. She sat straight up, feeling slightly dizzy from the rush of blood to her head. She never slept in that late. While she got dressed she wondered if her mother was awake. It was usually Clary's job to wake her up and get her ready for the day. Guilt began to form in the pit of her stomach; Clary knew her mother would be upset that almost half the day was wasted.<p>

Clary walked downstairs and started towards the kitchen, with the intention of starting coffee before waking her mother. However when she got to the kitchen her jaw dropped at the sight of her mother standing in the middle of the room looking out the window.

"Mom?" Clary called, sounding mostly surprised, but she was still cautious.

"Morning, Clary," her mother said, turning around to look at her. Not for the first time Clary noticed the resemblance between them. They both had the same shade of fiery red hair; the only difference was that her mother's was slightly streaked with gray. Clary was only a few inches shorter, height was clearly not a dominant trait in their family. They also shared the same emerald green eyes. "Would you like some coffee?"

Clary nodded and sat down at their kitchen table. When she saw her mother shaking as she poured the coffee she asked, "How are you, Mom?"

Her mother set the coffee mug down in front of Clary, not meeting her eyes. She turned her back and said, "I'm okay today." Turning to face Clary she added, "Clary, I'm so sorry about -"

"It's okay, Mom." Clary cut her off. She didn't want to discuss the previous night for fear that it would cause unwanted emotions. "I'm going out today, okay?"

Her mother looked confused, "Don't you have school?"

Clary sighed, "It's Saturday, I don't have class on Saturdays."

"Oh right, I must have forgot or…" her voice trailed off.

"I'm going to get ready." Clary got up and kissed her mother lightly on her cheek.

Once upstairs, Clary didn't bother hiding her excitement as she quickly showered and began rifling through her closet. She wasn't sure if she wanted to go with a cutesy or punk-ish look. If there was anything good about her petite size, it was that she could pull off practically anything. Still undecided, Clary heard her phone go off. She saw a text from Izzy.

_Sup, girl?_

**I****'****m**… Suddenly Clary felt that she should keep her meeting a secret, although she didn't know why. **I****'****m ****going ****to ****grab ****some ****coffee ****and ****try ****to ****knock ****out ****one ****of ****my ****art ****projects.** She felt guilty for lying to her friend but hit the send button nonetheless.

_Aw :( okay. Well Alec is bringing his new boyfriend over tonight. You should come over, I thought we'd throw a welcoming party ;)_

Clary felt bad for the guy already. **Okay,****sounds ****like ****a ****plan.**

Closing her phone, she looked back at her closet. She decided to go with skinny jeans, a white V-neck tee with a black rose on it and ballet flats. Clary checked herself in the mirror and tried to tame her unruly curls. After fighting a losing battle she decided that she looked good enough. She glanced at her clock and despite being early she left anyway.

* * *

><p>When she got to the park, she was about 15 minutes early, so she went to Taki's and ordered two buttermilk pancakes. Right after she ordered, she heard the bell ring – signaling that someone had entered the diner – and before she knew it a familiar golden-haired boy sat down across from her.<p>

"Clary," his voice brought a smile to her face and she immediately felt dumb and childish. She was meeting the guy for the first – technically second – time, why was he creating these responses in her so early?

"Jace," she said and noticed that he smiled as well. "What are you doing here?"

He shrugged, "I came early and saw you sitting here."

The waitress brought out her food and saw Jace. "Can I get you anything, hon?" She asked in a light, airy, breathy voice. Clary resisted the urge to roll her eyes.

"No. Thank you." Jace answered, his eyes never leaving hers.

After the waitress walked away Clary asked, "Fan club?" raising an eyebrow.

He chuckled and leaned forward, Clary did the same. "What can I say? They just can't resist my perfectly good looks." He winked and she started laughing.

She hoped it didn't sound shaky or forced because she, too, noticed his _very_ good looks. Now that they weren't in the dark club Clary could see his built figure. He clearly took very good care of himself. His blonde, slightly curled, hair reached his ears, the front hanging in his eyes and he pushed it out of the way. She looked into his golden eyes that reminded her of the color of honey. They no longer held the cold, closed off expression from the night of the club. Instead they were softer and open, allowing her to search and explore them. She had no doubt that allowing her to see him this way was something he didn't do very often. She took advantage of her opportunity and committed to memory every detail.

Clary hadn't realized that they moved closer together until Jace said, "What are you thinking about?" His voice was no longer filled with the joking arrogance from before, but was filled with curiosity. The both looked down and saw that their hands were barely touching. Neither of them pulled back.

Not wanting to flat-out admit that she was indeed checking him out, Clary said, "I'm thinking about what it would be like to draw you."

Jace pulled one side of his mouth up into a smirk and simply said, "Naked?"

Clary felt blood rush to her cheeks and assumed her face was bright red. As she tried to push images of a naked Jace out of her mind, she was saved from answering by someone calling her name.

"Clary! What are you doing here? I thought you had an art project to do?"

Jace and Clary moved away from each other as Izzy walked up to their booth, pulling Simon with her. She slid in next to Clary and he sat next to Jace, who was still wearing that smirk, but his eyes were no longer open and expressive.

"Simon," Simon introduced himself and extended his right hand.

"Jace," he took Simon's hand and gave him one of those "tough-guy" handshakes.

"I'm Isabelle, but you can call me Izzy." Jace just nodded. "Well?" Izzy said, turning to face Clary.

Clary sighed, knowing she was caught. "I wasn't working on an art project. I came here to meet Jace."

"We met at the club last night." Jace added.

Simon and Izzy looked at each other, engaging in a silent conversation, conveyed through their eyes.

"Well look at that, our little Clarissa made a new friend." Izzy joked.

"About time," Simon mumbled loud enough for all of them to hear.

Clary caught Jace's confused look and redirected her gaze to her hands that were now placed in her lap.

"Well, I guess it's time to go." Izzy said cheerfully. Simon stood up at the same time Izzy did and Clary's head snapped up.

"What?" Her voice was about an octave higher than normal. If they left she knew she would have to explain what they meant to Jace all by herself.

"Well, yeah. We were out just to get stuff for tonight and we saw you through the window."

Clary groaned, "Tell me you're not cooking tonight, Iz. You're gonna scare the poor guy away."

Izzy stuck her tongue out, "My cooking is perfectly fine. But just to be safe, I picked up some frozen, pre-made food. I can't possibly mess that up."

"I'm sure you can't, now let's go. See you around five, Clary." Simon began ushering Izzy out of Taki's when he turned around and said something that sounded like "_Sebizgunabetnite_."

"What? Si, I couldn't understand any of that."

He cleared his voice, glanced at Jace quickly and leaned closer to Clary. "Seb is gonna be there tonight."

Clary tensed, "Fine. I guess it'll be fun to see which side of him he'll front."

Simon gave her an understanding and reassuring nod. "Bring him," he pointed his head in Jace's direction – who has been quiet this whole time – "Seb will have to be on his best behavior if he's there." Then he turned around and walked out with Izzy.

Jace was staring at the table, his hands also clenched together in his lap. "What was that about?" He asked, still not looking up.

Clary, figuring there was no way around the subject placed her hands on the table and replied, "Si and Iz are happy that I'm talking to a guy other than Sebastian."

"Sebastian's your boyfriend? The guy you were with last night."

Clary nodded, preparing herself for the onslaught of questions that were about to be thrown at her.

Jace looked up from the table and right into her eyes. "Leave him. Clary, leave him. You could do so much better."

It wasn't his words that caught Clary off guard. It was the tone of finality in his voice. She was so surprised that she didn't realize the weight of her words until after she said them. "Are you saying that you're better for me?" She could hear the hopefulness in her voice. If he said yes, her decision would be made for her, but if not…

"No, I'm not good for you." Jace leaned closer and put his hand on top of hers. "But that doesn't mean I want to see you with anybody else."

Clary broke away from Jace's stare and looked out the window at the park. She wondered how she was going to explain things to him. There was no denying the obvious connection to him, he was different from anyone else she ever met. But she still felt hesitant about divulging some of her past to him. What she was really afraid of was opening up to his gorgeous boy sitting in front of her. If she let herself pour her heart out, she may not have the strength to stop before her past, all her pent-up emotions and insecurities were out in the open, leaving her vulnerable and weak. She knew she had to stay strong, to protect herself from anymore hurt. She looked back at Jace. Seeing the curiosity and care in his eyes she decided it would be okay to tell him a few things. She was strong enough to keep the warring emotions inside of her in check…wasn't she?

Knowing she hasn't spoken for at least two or three minutes she said quietly, "It isn't that simple." Jace gave her a confused look that clearly said 'go on'. Clary let out a small sigh and said, "Let's go to the park."

Jace nodded. They both stood up, Clary left money on the table for her food and grabbed Jace's hand, lacing her fingers through his.

* * *

><p>They walked across the street to the park in silence. Clary didn't say anything until they reached the bench they met at last night. They sat down, still holding hand, but closer this time. Clary felt Jace's gaze on her, but she kept her gaze on the old playground.<p>

"This was my brother's favorite place. We came here a lot whenever he needed to think or I needed to draw."

"Was?" Clary barely heard Jace question her use of the past tense.

"Sebastian was his best friend." Clary began getting lost in memories of her brother.

She remembered his warm and charming smile.

She remembered fighting with him over who got control of the remote and TV shows.

She remembered jumping in piles of leaves and throwing snowballs at him.

And she remembered the first time he brought Seb over their house.

"Clary, _was_?" Jace asked again. Clary could feel gentle hand on either side of her face, directing her gaze to his face.

She finally looked at Jace, his eyes were filled with worry.

She nodded and then finding her voice once again tried to explain. "Jonathan was my older brother. I say 'was' because he died three years ago." She shuddered at the thought of that night and the phone call they received.

Jace's eyes widened, "How?" he asked, his voice quiet and gentle, but curious.

"I – it…was…" tears began to fall down her face. She wiped them away, furious at herself for crying in front of a stranger. Only, Jace didn't feel like a stranger, she felt like she knew him all her life. Looking at him this whole time she saw that his gaze never wavered. Taking a deep breath and forcing the tears to stop Clary said, "I don't really like to talk about it, let alone think about it."

Jace nodded, "Fair enough. But what does has this got to do with Sebastian and why you won't leave him?"

Clary shook her head and redirected her gaze to their hands, still clasped together. "You don't understand. It's not that I _won__'__t_ leave him, it's that I _can__'__t_ leave him." Seeing Jace's confused look she continued, "He and Jon were best friends. A few weeks before – he…he just before - Jon told me that Seb liked me. I was 15 and a boy never told me that he like me, even if it was through my brother. It excited and scared me at the same time. But Jon always said how he wanted to see us together. He said Seb would be great to me. And in the beginning he was. After…everything…Seb and I were all each other had. We were reminders of the past and where that might tear some people apart, it brought us closer.

And then he began to change. It was last year, I think. He started drinking more and hanging out with a different crowd. It was almost like he was forgetting or replacing Jon. It broke my heart. Then he started cheating. It was painfully obvious, the stumbling home, the sneaking off at Pandemonium, I put it all together. I confronted him about it, he never denied it. Trust me, I tried to leave a few times. Do you think I like being cheated on, being replaced by someone prettier, better? But I always hear Jonathan's voice in my mind, saying that he always wanted to see us together. So I make it work, for him. And besides, when Seb sees how much I'm hurting he shows me that he really does care and love me. He can be a really good person, it's just hard to bring that side out of him anymore." Clary looked up and saw Jace's incredulous expression. She laughed humorlessly. "I guess that was a lot to take in, I'm sorry I dumped it all on you."

"Clary, you're staying with him because you feel _guilty?_ That is ridiculous." Jace ran his free hand through his golden hair.

"I know," Clary replied quietly. "But it's for Jon."

"Clary," Jace placed two fingers under Clary's chin and gently moved her head so she faced him. "What do you want?"

She could practically feel the implication in his question. There was no question about the spark of attraction between them. Without directly answering his question, she tried to find out what he wanted. "What do _you _want?"

Jace leaned in, they were now so close that their lips almost met, Clary would have to move about a millimeter closer. But she didn't instead she wet her lips as she felt Jace's warm breath on her skin. She closed her eyes at the same time Jace closed the infinitely small space between them.

As their lips brushed, Jace whispered, "To be yours." It was the lightest of kisses, so soft, so gentle. And it only lasted a second or two. Jace pulled back to look in Clary's eyes. But she kept them closed.

"More," she pleaded. It only took that one word for Jace to return his lips to hers. This kiss was not light, still gentle, but more urgent. Clary ran her tongue along Jace's bottom lip and he opened up to her without hesitation. She was immersed in him. Her arms wrapped around his neck and she twisted her hands in his hair. His hands stayed firmly planted on her face and he turned his head, deepening the kiss. Clary let a small moan escape from her throat.

Too soon, Jace pulled away first and she became instantly aware of the absence she felt. After a few small kisses Jace warped his arm around her waist and she leaned her head on his shoulder. A few moments of silence went by before Clary sighed and shifted herself to look up at Jace. His face was full of conflict. She easily read the emotions as happiness for himself and worry for causing her more confusion and hurt.

"What am I going to do, Jace?" She asked, pushing away a few stray golden curls that fell in his face.

"Whatever you want," Jace turned his head to look her in the eye.

"It won't be that easy," their eyes never left each other.

"I know, but believe me when I say that I will be here with you, for you, the whole time."

Breaking their intense stare, Clary kissed the side of Jace's mouth and returned her head to his shoulder. She believed every word he said. She never leaned on anyone before, but maybe…just maybe she could begin to rely on Jace.

Clary didn't know how long they sat there until she noticed the sun start to set.

"Shit!" She stood up, causing Jace to instantly stand up also.

"What's wrong?"

"We have to go to Izzy's!" She looked at her phone and saw that they were about a half hour late. Her bliss was replaced by panic. Sebastian would be there already, he would see her arrive late, with another guy.

Jace, guessing her thoughts, grabbed her hand. "It'll be okay." At his words, Clary's panic subsided a little. He rubbed small reassuring circles on the back of her hand, in an effort to calm her down. It helped a bit, but Clary couldn't help but imagine the chaos that was about to occur.

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><p><strong>AN: So, I am trying to tackle NaNoWriMo and my goal is to finish this story by the end of the month. So updates will hopefully be every other or every two days. I have no clue how long this story will be, but I do know how it will end ;) I have another story in mind, but I am so not talented enough to juggle two stories and college at the same time, so the next story will be posted closer to the end of this story.**

**Also, I apologize for any more mistakes, I don't have a beta and I updated this chapter late at night...again. **

**And lastly, Thank you sooo sooo much to everyone who reviews and add this story to their Favorites/Alerts. You seriously make my day :) Keep 'em coming!**

**PS - Sorry for the long A/N's these past few chapters, I'll try to keep them short and sweet from now on.**


	6. Jealousy

**_**ALL CHARACTERS AND EVERYTHING MORTAL INSTRUMENTS RELATED IS OWNED BY CASSANDRA CLARE**_**

**Chapter song (Jace): Mr. Brightside - The Killers**

***Lyrics and rights to Mr. Brightside belong to The Killers and it's respective owners***

* * *

><p>They walked to Clary's friend's apartment together. Her hand was comfortably in his.<p>

He could tell that she was nervous because she was saying stuff like "Izzy's cooking is awful, I hope they got take-out," and "Alec's boyfriend is coming, he's gay."

At that, he had to chuckle a little. "I got that, thanks."

"Hmm?" she looked up at him, confused. "Oh, right, sorry." She let out a small humorless laugh. "Well, here we are."

He stopped her from going inside right away. She turned back to him, confusion still on her face.

"Clary, it'll be alright. I won't let anything happen to you. Don't worry, everything will be fine." He tried to make his voice sound as convincing as possible because if he was honest with himself, he knew things were probably going to get messy.

Clary reached up and ran her hand down his face, lingering on his cheek. He closed his eyes and let himself drown in her soft touch. He could stay like that forever. When he opened his eyes, he looked into Clary's. They were filled with sadness and worry. "I'm afraid that it will be anything but okay." He only nodded.

They walked up the steps that led to the door, letting go of each other's hand at the very last second. The door opened up to a very annoyed Izzy. Clary fell quickly into her role, "Iz, I am so sorry! We lost track of time."

Izzy glanced at him and then back at Clary. "Well, alright," she said, all traces of annoyance gone. Izzy and Clary walked in the apartment together, leaving him to follow behind. When he got to the living room he recognized Simon and gave him a short nod of acknowledgement. He saw standing by the kitchen was someone who closely resembled Izzy, and figured it was her brother. He looked awkward and uncomfortable while the rather glittery guy standing next to him looked completely content.

A movement of something dark in his peripheral vision caught his attention. He turned to see that a dark-haired, tall guy walk over to them from the couch.

"Babe," Sebastian said, "where've you been?" If he didn't know better, he could almost hear the sincere concern in his voice.

Clary, who still stood right next to him, only shrugged and said, "I lost track of time," like it happened all the time.

"Well I was worried," Sebastian said. _I __bet __you __were, _he thought. He watched as Sebastian slung his arm over her shoulders and walked her over to the couch, completely ignoring him. It didn't bother him; he didn't think that Sebastian would be friendly or anything. What did bother him was that Sebastian was now crushing his lips to Clary's. He just stood there and watched them kiss like it was a bad train crash. It took all of his self-control not to go over there and pull Clary away from that ass.

He felt an emotion that he almost never felt. It was overwhelming, anger laced with sadness, this jealousy. It was practically new to him; he didn't like it one bit.

He felt a hand tap him on the shoulder and he tore his eyes away from the kissing couple to see a geeky looking guy with glasses wearing a t-shirt that said 'My girlfriend beat me at Black Ops and bought me this t-shirt to prove it'.

"Simon, right?"

Simon nodded, "How ya doing?"

"I'm cool, man." He answered.

Simon motioned towards the kitchen, "Come on. Those two will come around eventually."

His eyes darkened and he could feel the anger rise up in his chest. He didn't want to let her out of his sight, to be honest, he didn't want to leave her with _him_. He glanced back at Clary and Sebastian then reluctantly followed Simon to the kitchen.

"So what, you all just wait here for them to finish making out?" He looked around and saw all of them sitting on kitchen stools around an island that was in the middle of the room. They were all picking out of communal bowls that held chips and pretzels and they each had a can of soda. Izzy got up and gave a can to him. She opened her mouth, but her brother spoke instead.

"Clary and Sebastian are rarely together when he is not drunk. For the past three years, besides us, he has been all she has. Ever since Jon, Seb was the one who picked her up when she felt beaten down. We all tried to do that, but Seb was the closet to Jon, so he was the one to get through to her. But that all changed this past year. Her mother got sick and Seb…changed. It all happened so fast and at the same time that Clary pretty much shut herself off to us. So whenever he's around and sober, she takes advantage of it, probably trying to remember and get back the old Sebastian."

His heart was torn between sadness for Clary's pain and rage towards the guy who caused it.

"Oh and I'm Alec by the way. I'm Izzy's sister. This is Magnus," he referred to the glittery guy next to him.

Izzy must have seen the anger in his eyes, for anger was the only emotion he wore on his sleeve. She said, "We can all see that Seb is not good for her. But she won't let go."

"Yeah, we've been trying to execute Operation: Get Rid of Sebas_tard_ for the past few months, but no dice." Simon joked. Everyone laughed everyone except him. He was too consumed by his anger and jealousy. He wanted to be the one to pick Clary up, to be the one who comforted her, to be the one who made everything better for her, to be the one to tell her that she is perfect. He wanted to be her everything.

A sweet voice silenced everyone. "What's so funny?"

He imagined that Clary was looking to everyone for an answer, then he felt the weight of her gaze on him but he kept his eyes on the can of soda in front of him.

"Oh nothing, just a joke." Simon answered.

"Alright. Iz, do you have any food ready?" He could hear the lightness in her voice. She sounded better, all the sadness from before seemed to be gone.

"Ah, you two worked up an appetite after all that canoodling?" Magnus suggestively asked.

He looked up and regretted it. Sebastian's arm was around Clary's shoulders and her hand was intertwined with his. Clary's eyes locked onto his. He could see the same pain in them from earlier that day and from the night before. He sensed that look of pain was always there, despite the laughs and smiles.

"As a matter of fact, it turns out that I can burn frozen food. So I got Taki's." Izzy turned and pulled two pans out of the oven and put them on the table next to the chips and pretzels.

As they all began dishing their own portions, he heard someone address him. "I'm sorry, but I don't think I know you. I'm Sebastian Verlac."

He saw Sebastian's outstretched hand and shook it. "Jace." He stared coldly at Sebastian.

Sebastian looked amused, "Jace what?"

"Herondale," he spat. He hated his last name. It was his father's last name, and he hated his father.

"Well, _Herondale,_" by the sound of Sebastian's voice he could tell that Sebastian was mocking him. "I want to thank you for looking after my girl while she 'lost track of time'."

Clary rolled her eyes, "Seb, stop."

"Nah, it's cool man," he interjected before Sebastian could protest. He got off his stool. "I'm just gonna go use the bathroom. Which way?" Directing his question to Izzy.

"First door on the left," she pointed down the hall.

He was a few steps out of the kitchen when he heard Clary say, "Don't do this, please." Then he heard a short gasp and Clary say "Ow."

He stopped walking. _Did __he __just __shove __her?_ He turned around to go back and find out what just happened when Sebastian was suddenly standing in his face. The two were pretty equal in size, but Sebastian was about two inches shorter. Nonetheless, Sebastian pushed him up against the wall, his arm pressing into his collarbone. Along with shoving him back, Sebastian also shoved him downward so that he was now a little taller. Sebastian might have thought that he was being intimidating, but he just thought it was pitiful.

"You're pathetic," Sebastian spat. "Who do you think you are? You think you can just walk in here, with my girl? Well you can't. You are a worthless nobody."

At the word 'worthless' anger and rage overtook him and he couldn't control himself. In one swift motion he brought his fist up and connected with Sebastian's ribs.

Sebastian immediately released him and stumbled backwards, clutching his side.

He stood up to his full height and towered over a now doubled-over Sebastian. "I'm better than you, _Verlac._" He put all the venom he could into his words. Then he made his way to the door. He knew the others saw the whole thing and he avoided eye contact. But he noticed Clary's horrified expression as he walked out.

He was half way down the block when he heard her voice. "Jace! Wait!"

He stopped and waited a moment before turning around. Anger and jealousy still coursed through him and he didn't want her thinking that he was mad at her. Doing his best to suppress his anger, he turned to face an out-of-breath- red head. She must have run to catch up with him.

"Shouldn't you be back there with your boyfriend?" His voice held a harsh roughness and he knew it. But Clary was still as a statue.

"Yes, I _should __be_. But I don't _want __to __be._"

He tensed and said, "Oh really? Because your little make-out session said otherwise." He didn't know why he was angry with her or why he was pushing her away, all he knew was that he needed to get away from her before he did something that he would really regret. He turned on his heel and began walking away.

"That's not fair, Jace!" she yelled after him. He turned and saw that she standing in the same spot. She looked delicate and fierce at the same time. He desperately wanted to hold her. "He is still my boyfriend. I haven't told him otherwise…yet." She let the last word linger in the air.

He walked back to her. "What?" Shock and hope replaced his anger. He hoped that he understood her implications correctly.

She sighed and placed a hand on his chest. "I'm going to end it, okay?"

"Clary…" he was skeptical. It was only a few hours ago that she expressed her hesitation to leave him.

"Just kiss me. Please?" She looked so small and sounded so defeated. _How, __in __the __name __of __all __things __holy, __can __I __say __no?_

He did as she asked and brought his lips down to meet hers. It was pure bliss, unlike anything he felt before. Her lips seemed to form perfectly to his. He deepened the kiss just a little, and all too soon she pulled back.

Smiling up to him she asked, "Walk me home?"

He nodded and laced their fingers together. Silently they walked to Clary's house, perfectly content with each other's company.

. . .

When they got to her house, Clary instantly knew something was wrong. Her mother wasn't on the couch. Still holding Jace's hand, she walked into the kitchen, her mother wasn't there either. She turned around to see her mother standing by the front door. Clary's eyes went straight to the bags sitting on the ground next to her.

"Where are you going?" Clary was too shocked to put any emotion into her voice. She felt as if she was going to collapse but remained standing, thankful to Jace when he let go of her hand and put it around her waist to support her.

"Luke's. I'm sorry, Clary. I just have to get out of here." Her mother's voice just as emotionless as Clary's. "This house, the pictures…everything. It's too much."

"You mean me." It wasn't a question.

"No," her mother said so softly it barley sounded like she said anything at all.

"How long?" she let a little bit of the hurtful anger leak into her voice.

"A while. Don't worry, I'll take care of all the bills at Luke's." _Seriously?_ That was what her mother was worried about?

"And who's going to take care of me!" Clary screamed, letting a few tears fall down her face. She didn't bother wiping them away.

Her mother didn't move, instead she just said, "I'm sorry" and picked her bags up and walked out of the house.

"Mom!" She yelled angrily. Silence. "Mommy?" She called quietly, sounding more like a lost child. More silence.

Clary let all the pent-up hurt and anger take over as tears started to gush out of her eyes. She felt her knees give out and before she hit the floor she felt warm, sturdy arms wrap around her.

Jace picked her up and carried her up to her room. As he set her down, she pulled him down with her. He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her as close to him as he could without suffocating her.

"Jace…you…can't…leave me. Please." She sobbed into his chest. He moved a few stray pieces of hair from her face and kissed the top of her forehead.

"Shh," he soothed her, rubbing small reassuring circles on her back. "I'm never going to leave you. Not ever."

He held her like that all night, whispering the same thing over and over, until she fell asleep, her face buried in his chest.

When he was sure she was asleep he whispered the words he thought when he first saw her outside his window. "I may not be worthy of you, but I will try to be, Clary. I will try to be everything you deserve." Then he shifted his head so that it laid on top if hers and fell asleep.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Well, this took an unexpected turn. But I suppose that's how these things go. So the "chaos" turned out to be more inner turmoil. Good, bad? I'm also leaving the physical descriptions of the characters vague and general, I know. But it's partly because so that you can use your imagination and mostly because I hate writing physical descriptions. **

**Last chapter didn't get many reviews, but that's okay cause some is better than none! Thank you to everyone who keeps reading, reviewing and adding this to their favorites/alerts. I love feedback :)**

**So, until next time - happy reading!**


	7. Damaged

_****ALL CHARACTERS AND EVERYTHING MORTAL INSTRUMENTS RELATED IS OWNED BY CASSANDRA CLARE****_

_**Warning: There is abuse and suicide in this chapter - if this is a trigger for anyone, please feel free to skip this chapter.**_

**Chapter Songs:**

**-Save You (Clary): Simple Plan**

**-Wonderwall (Jace's song): Oasis**

**_*Lyrics to Save You and Wonderwall belong to Simple Plan and Oasis (respectively) and their owners*_**

* * *

><p><em>"I can do this. I'm good at it." The boy tried convincing his father to let him join the school soccer team.<em>

_"You're good at nothing!" His father yelled back. Then his father slapped him so hard that he fell to the floor. Taking advantage of his vulnerable position, his father began kicking him in the side._

_"You. Are. A. Worthless. Piece. Of. SHIT." He was kicked after each word. Except 'shit'. With that word, his father brought down his empty beer bottle and smashed it against his chest, leaving small pieces of glass in him. Even though his mother was upstairs unconscious from her sleeping pills and no one else would hear him, he cried out. His father kicked him one more time and walked to his office._

_He crawled to the bathroom and used the sink to help him stand up. However his legs would not hold him so he sat down on the toilet. He carefully pulled out the small shards of glass lodged in his chest and found some paper towels that he held against the cuts to try and stop the bleeding._

* * *

><p>He sat straight up. At first he didn't know where he was; then he remembered the previous night and Clary's mom. <em>Clary<em>. He turned to look for her.

She was sitting up against her headboard with her knees pulled up to her chest. "You cried out, in your sleep."

He rubbed his eyes to try and look at her more clearly, "I'm sorry if I woke you." He saw that it was only 8am. Supporting himself against her headboard, he opened his arms to her. She snuggled into him, her small body fitting perfectly with his, like a missing puzzle piece. He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her closer.

He took in her scent, her touch, her entire essence as he envisioned himself waking up to her every day. He never felt this way about any girl before. He didn't know what drew him to her, he only know that through his eyes she shined brighter than anyone else in the world.

"I'm just worried about you," her voice brought him out of his daydreams.

He looked down and saw a very worried Clary looking back up at him. He gave her an honest, comforting smile. "I'm fine, love. It was just a bad dream."

"What was it about?"

Uncertain about to how much he should tell her, he gave a very generic answer. "My childhood."

She turned her head and rested it on his chest. "There's so much about you that I don't know. And you know so much about me already."

He really doubted that. Clary was made up of so many layers of emotions and he's only uncovered a few of them.

He was still unsure about how much he should say. This was uncharted territory for him. He's never opened up to anyone. But then again, this girl was different, special. Sure she deserved answers, but could he give them? Could he bring himself to allow her to see his vulnerable side? For her, he would, she was everything to him now. "What do you want to know?"

"Everything," she said. By the look on her face he could tell that she was clearly surprised and happy at his willingness.

"That's a lot of information to cover." He gave her a mischievous grin. "We might be in this bed for a while."

She giggled, it was the most precious sound he ever heard. "I don't mind. I'm quite comfortable here. But I guess we could start with something smaller. Hmmm…" she thought about this for a minute. "Who are you?" She finally asked.

He was silent, this was a tough question. He didn't know how to answer, but he wanted to be honest. He sighed and began.

"This is going to sound so cheesy, but Clary, I want to be honest with you. Until I met you, I wasn't anybody. I ate food and breathed air, but I wasn't really living. I didn't have anything to live _for_." He realized he was staring at her bedroom wall and turned to look at her, meeting her bright green eyes. "Then I met you and everything changed. It was like I was asleep my whole life and then I woke up. It's been what, two days? I feel more alive, more awake than ever before. So to answer your question 'Who am I', I don't know, but I would say that I am most definitely yours, Clary. Whoever I turn out to be in a few days, weeks, years down the line, I will always be yours."

He searched her eyes for some sort of response. But the only reaction she gave him was her lips on his. He responded right away and they moved in sync with each other, when he asked for entrance she opened to him. He was consumed by her taste. Their tongues tangled and they deepened the kiss. It became more passionate and urgent.

He felt her shift until she was straddling him. His hands moved to rest low on her hips. She leaned into him and twisted her hands in his hair. He knew they shouldn't be doing this, he didn't want her to be like Sebastian, she was too good for that. But damn him if he didn't want her…bad.

All thoughts of how wrong their situation was left his mind when Clary rolled her hips against his. He couldn't control the moan that came from his throat. Clary broke away for air, but he continued kissing her. He kissed up and down her neck, across her jawline and nibbled on her earlobe. Letting out a small sigh, she untangled her hands from his hair and ran them slowly down his chest, stopping at the top of his jeans.

Lust clouded his mind and he wanted nothing more than the feel of her all over him. She brought her lips down on his again and dipped a finger inside the waistband of his boxers that were sticking out of his jeans. In response, his grip on her hips tightened.

Then he felt her hands slide back up. Faster than he thought possible, his hands were on hers, stopping her at the hem of his shirt.

She froze instantly. "What's wrong?"

He thought of the humor of the situation and how the roles would normally be reversed.

And then he gave the worst excuse he could think of, "I don't think this is right." It was, of course, a lie and he immediately regretted saying it.

Clary was off him and sitting against her headboard next to him, but with quite a few inches between them. It was more space than he preferred so he moved close to her, but didn't touch her, not until he explained things. He hated seeing the hurt expression on Clary's face, knowing he put it there.

Wanting to make her feel better, he rushed his explanation, hoping she would understand. "It's just, if we do this, it would be like what Sebastian does to you." She flinched and he resisted the urge to take her in his arms. He needed to say this first. "And you are nothing like that, Clary. You're better than him." He touched her face, gently, willing her to look at him. He wanted to make sure she understood him. "I'll wait."

She let out a long breath, probably from holding it the whole time. "I thought that it…that I wasn't…"

"God no, Clary!" He knew where she was headed and stopped her before she said it. "You are perfect and beautiful. And you have no idea how much I want you right now." Seeing her flush, he grinned, but then became serious. He sucked in a deep breath and let it out slowly, bracing himself for what he was about to do. "Clary, there's something else too." He reached up and pulled his shirt over his head and threw it down at the end of the bed. His now bare chest revealed a mixture of healed, faded scars and thin red lines of not-yet fully healed cuts.

She gasped and he turned his head away. Before Clary, the reason for not showing his scars was to avoid questioning from those who saw. But now, with Clary, now he felt ashamed. She was so pure and perfect and he, well…wasn't. He was damaged.

. . .

"Jace," Clary reached out to touch him. She saw him flinch, but didn't back down. "What happened?" She saw that his chest was decorated with scars and cuts. Some were in clusters, some were thin lines that ran across his lower abdomen, they looked…self-inflicted. She lightly traced some of the perfectly straight scars, avoiding the cuts that haven't fully healed. She felt the closed, slightly raised skin and her breathing hitched. Even though she plainly saw what he was showing her, she still hoped it wasn't true. Not one reason came to her mind that would explain why someone so beautiful would do this to themselves. _Yes, __there __is __no __doubt __that __he __did __this._ But the others? The small clusters on his upper chest were a mystery to her.

Still tenderly running her hand back and forth across Jace's abs, she asked quietly, "You did this to yourself, didn't you?" She needed to hear it for herself.

Jace closed his eyes, let out a long sigh, and nodded. "Yes. Some, well most, of them."

"And the others?" She gingerly slid her hand upward to feel the small scars. "These were done to you."

Jace shuddered, whether it was from her touch or her conclusion, she wasn't sure.

He kept his eyes closed and she could tell by the feel of his chest that his breaths became deeper.

"Yes," he breathed out. She could see that he was starting to shake so she moved her hand from his chest to around his neck and pulled him closer to her. He rested his head in the space between her neck and shoulder. He held one hand while she kept the other tucked around his neck, running her fingers through is golden blonde hair.

They sat like that for a while, in silence. Once Jace's breathing returned to normal and his shaking diminished to slight tremors every so often, Clary finally asked the question that hung heavy in the air.

"Why, Jace?" Although her question was meant for both the self-inflicted wounds and the others, she wasn't surprised when he only answered for the latter.

"My dad…he just…I don't know." She felt another tremor surge through him and she squeezed his hand a little tighter.

"Your dad does this to you?" Images of a tall, strong Jace being beaten by his father crossed her mind, but each vision seemed _wrong._

"He _did_," Jace corrected. "The, um, beatings stopped about a year after my mom – after she – killed herself."

Clary took a quick, sharp breath, but remained silent. So Jace continued.

"It started when I was five, the beatings. I didn't know why he did it, I still don't. But I learned that they got worse when he drank. My mom got it the worst. I think it was because she tried to protect me." He gestured to some of the small scars clumped together. "These are from when my dad smashed a beer bottle over my chest. I was 14 and wanted to join the high school soccer team. He told me I couldn't and that I was worthless. These," he pointed to another group of cuts, "are from when my dad pushed me onto a couple of broken picture frames that were on the floor." He saw Clary's confused look. "My father created quite a mess of our living room on a regular basis. I wasn't unusual for the place to be trashed. I remember helping my mom clean up one morning after his violent rampage. I think I got more cuts from broken glass that morning than I did the previous night, it was all over the place." Another tremor went rippling through his body and Clary pulled him even closer, if that was even possible.

"Jace, that's awful." She tried to wrap her mind around the idea of a young Jace being slapped around and beaten by his drunken father just because he needed a punching bag.

He only nodded and continued. "My mother, well she died when I was 16. I was the one who found her. She began sleeping a lot, almost the entire day sometimes. So one day, I came home from school and went to her room to wake her up."

Clary did her best to keep pity or sympathy off her face, until Jace finished at least. She knew she had to stay strong for him as he told his story for the first time ever.

"Her sheets were bloody, but that didn't surprise me. Most nights she would collapse in bed, bloodied and broken and didn't bother to clean the sheets. When I got closer to her I noticed just how much blood there was, it was an unnatural amount. Then I saw one of her wrists, it was slashed open." He paused for a moment, remembering everything.

"That night my father gave me the worst beating I'd ever received. I think it was his way of grieving. He kept telling me that it was my fault, for being so weak that my mother couldn't take it anymore."

Clary couldn't help it; tears slowly ran down her cheeks. They were tears of sadness, sadness for the pain Jace went through. And tears of anger, directed at both his father and mother. How could anyone be that cruel? How could a mother be that selfish that they would just leave their child?

Jace saw her tears and wiped them away with his free hand.

"It's not your fault, you know that don't you?" She stroked his face and searched his eyes. They were full of resurfacing grief and sadness.

Jace shook his head, "It is my fault, Clary." He put a finger to her lips, preventing her from protesting. "I was weak, so weak. I couldn't handle the pain and when my father saw that he turned to my mother. Everybody has a breaking point. He beat her until she reached hers, until the pain became too much."

"No, Jace, it's not your fault. You shouldn't carry this guilt around with you, on top of everything else."

She couldn't hold back the tears, she felt so much pain and anguish for him.

"Shh, love. It's okay." He kissed the tears that fell down her face. She felt stupid. Here she was trying, crying, when _she _was supposed to be comforting _him._

"You've redefined me, Clary. Next to you, I feel stronger, better, already. All because of you. Right now I don't feel like another soulless person living day-to-day. Right now I feel alive, I feel like…Jace."

* * *

><p>. . .<p>

About an hour later, Jace showed up at Clary's house, freshly showered and with new clothes on. He wanted to show her another side of him, certain that it would pleasantly surprise her.

They both agreed to shower, change, and collect themselves for one hour.

Clary walked out of the house as Jace walked up to the porch, closing and locking the door behind her. He saw her shoulders drop when she spotted the empty driveway and pulled her into a tight hug.

"It'll be okay. She'll come back." He whispered into her hair.

Letting out a shaky sigh, Clary pulled back and said, "I'll deal with that later. Now, where are we going?"

He pulled his mouth up into a one-sided grin. "You'll see."

They walked hand-in-hand, not caring who saw them.

Jace led them to the small guitar shop a few blocks from Clary's house. When she saw where they were headed her face lit up. Jace took this to be a good thing.

Until she said, "Jon and I used to come here. We would pretend to know how to play the guitar and we even made plans to buy one."

_Great_, he thought, _the __one __place __I __want __to __show __her __has __to __be __a __place __where __she __and __her __brother __came._

Unsure of his plan now, Jace stopped Clary from going into the shop. "Clary, if this is going to bring back memories we don't have to go in. I don't want…"

"No," she didn't sound sad, in fact, she sounded excited. "I want to go in, besides, you wanted to show me something, right?"

He nodded, "Okay, let's go then."

A little bell rang over the door when they walked in and the tattooed shop owner looked up from the counter.

"Jace."

"Sam. We'll just be over here. Cool?" He motioned to a collection of guitars and amps by the window.

"Of course, dude. Let me know if you need anything."

"Thanks, man." He led Clary over to the window and she sat down on the ledge that stuck out.

Jace grabbed a nice looking acoustic and sat on a nearby amp. They were so close that their knees were touching.

He played around a little before looking at Clary. "I want to play you something, alright?" This was the first time he played _for_ somebody and he was just a little nervous.

After she nodded he began playing the opening chords, letting the music flow through him.

_Today is gonna be the day that they're gonna throw it back to you_

_By now you should've, somehow, realized what you gotta do_

_I don't believe that anybody feels the way I do about you now_

_Back beat, the word is on the street that the fire in your heart is out_

_I'm sure you've heard it all before but you never really had a doubt_

_I don't believe that anybody feels the way I do about you now_

_And all the roads we have to walk are winding_

_And all the lights that lead us there are blinding_

_There are many things that I would like to say to you_

_But I don't know how_

_Because maybe_

_You're gonna be the one that saves me_

_And after all_

_You're my wonderwall_

About half way through the second verse he noticed Clary pull out her phone and frown. She hit the reject button. A second later she got a text message; ignoring that too, she directed her attention back to Jace. He smiled and ended with one more round of the chorus.

_I said maybe_

_You're gonna be the one that saves me_

_And after all_

_You're my wonderwall_

When he was finished Clary jumped up and hugged him right away.

"Thank you. That was…amazing." There was a huge smile on her face.

Jace returned the smile. "My pleasure. You said that you wanted to know more about me, so I wanted to show you."

"Thank you. For letting me in, for opening up." Her smile faded, then. "I have to Alec back, but I'll be right back in." She kissed him on the cheek and ran outside.

Jace watched through the window as she animatedly flailed her arms around. He wondered what could be wrong, but didn't have to wait long to find out. Clary came storming into the shop with a fierce, angry expression on her face.

Jace put the guitar down and met her in the middle of the store. "What is it, love?"

From the angry glace she gave Jace, he would have thought she was pissed at him.

But that thought left his mind when she said, "Sebastian's been arrested."

* * *

><p><strong>AN: So... Fluff+Angst/Sadness/Pain = one long chapter. **

**Thoughts? Likes, dislikes? **

**Thank you to all those who read, reviewed, and/or added this story to their favorites/alerts! You keep me motivated :)**


	8. Stay

_****ALL CHARACTERS AND EVERYTHING MORTAL INSTRUMENTS RELATED IS OWNED BY CASSANDRA CLARE****_

**Chapter Songs (Jace and Clary): Wrapped In Your Arms - Fireflight**

** Forever - Fireflight**

**_*All lyrics to both songs belong to Fireflight and its respective owners*_ **

* * *

><p>After many attempts of assuring Jace that she was going to be okay, Clary left the music shop and headed towards the police station. They agreed to meet at Taki's, with Izzy, Simon, Alec and Magnus, an hour later.<p>

Clary was wondering what Sebastian did this time.

B and E and trespassing were highly likely.

He had once set an old barn on fire, so arson could be a possibility.

But the most likely was public drunkenness. He got busted for that many times. It didn't help that he was underage either.

When she got to the station she walked up to the window and had to clear her throat loudly to get the guard's attention. "I'm here to pick up Sebastian Verlac."

"Verlac. Okay, here we are," he gathered a couple of papers and handed them to Clary. "He got one fine for underage drinking and another for public drunkenness. It also says that he's got some outstanding fines he hasn't paid yet."

Clary took the papers and sighed, "Okay, I'll get right on that."

The guard looked shocked. "You don't pay them for him, do you?"

"No, he just…forgets sometimes. He's got more than enough money to pay them off."

"Good. He'll be out right away."

Clary turned to sit and wait in the lobby area. She didn't even have a chance to sit down when she heard someone announce, "Releasing Verlac, Sebastian."

She watched as Sebastian was handed his belongings in a bag: shoes, wallet, belt…etc.

When he spotted her he gave her a sheepish grin. "Hey, babe. You came."

"Yeah well, I kind of had to, didn't I? Alec said that you told him I was the only one you'd go with." She didn't bother masking her annoyance, after all it wasn't _here_ that she wanted to be, it wasn't with _him_, but here she was.

"Clary," he got a hard look in his eyes, all pleasantness gone. "You're my girlfriend. I wanted to see you after spending all night in jail."

She didn't buy it, she put her hands on her hips. "Oh yeah? And whose fault is that?" For the first time she noticed the bruise on Sebastian's lower jaw and a few small cuts around his left eye. "What the hell happened?" Normally she would have reached up, touched his face, and asked if he was okay. But she was way too annoyed for that.

Sebastian just shrugged, "Got in a fight. And I won." He grinned. At one time his sly, smug grin would have charmed Clary. Now she just found it to be dangerous and creepy.

Not wanting to know the details, she led Sebastian out of the station. "Come on, let's get you cleaned up."

* * *

><p>Once back at Sebastian's apartment, Clary went directly to the kitchen sink, grabbing a few paper towels on the way. "Did you get arrested because of the fight?" She turned to clean up his face when she felt his hand come in contact with her face. The force of his slap caused her to drop the paper towels and stumble back, but not fall.<p>

"Fucking bitch," he growled. "I wouldn't have done any of it if you didn't whore yourself around!" He was now screaming but Clary wasn't afraid. Instead of instilling fear in her, Sebastian just made her angry.

"_I__'__m_ whoring around? I'm not the one who's cheating!" She made the mistake of trying to shove him. It resulted in her getting shoved roughly back.

This time she stumbled backwards and fell to the floor. Clary saw that Sebastian's eyes were full of anger and so dark that they looked black. Fear started to creep into her. Still on the floor, she tried backing away.

Sebastian grabbed a glass from the counter and threw it at her. "I told you I was drunk!" He threw another glass. "Do you think they meant anything?" The glasses didn't hit her, but landed close enough that some of the shards cut her in the arm. They weren't deep, but it still stung.

"That doesn't erase the fact that you did it, Seb." Clary was furious, but kept her voice quiet, not sure what he was going to do.

He didn't throw another glass, or anything else for that matter, he just stared at her. The fury and rage seemed to roll off him in waves. "I saw the way he looked at you. And then the way you ran out after him. Do not try to tell me there is nothing between you too." His voice was steady and calm, which seemed more frightening to Clary than anything else.

She stood, "Seb listen - "

Without blinking an eye, Sebastian had her up against the wall with his hand pressed to her throat. Clary tried not to panic and breathe normally, but Sebastian's grip tightened. His eyes were black and empty. Clary scratched and pulled at his arm, but only made him tense and squeeze tighter. Darkness started to spot her vision and fear was running through her entire body now.

"Seb, please," Clary managed to whisper as a single tear slid down her cheek.

Even though her plea was quiet, Sebastian heard her and let go immediately. Clary's legs gave out and she collapsed to the floor. She took deep breaths, trying to get air into her lungs.

"Oh my god," Sebastian reached out a hand to help her stand, but she recoiled away.

"Don't. Touch. Me." She snapped, hoping the anger in her voice overpowered her fear.

"Clary I am so sorry. I don't know what happened. I was just so angry." He was looking at his hands as if seeing them for the first time. Uncertainty and sincere concern could be heard in his voice but Clary couldn't get passed the thought of what would have happened if he had held on a little longer.

She was uneasy on her legs, but tried to stand up nonetheless, using the wall for support. "That's it, Seb." Her voice was steady, calm. She was still afraid, but she wouldn't let him have that power over her. "We're done."

Pushing off the wall, she willed herself to walk gracefully to the door.

Sebastian followed her, but didn't touch her. "Don't do this. Clary, I'm sorry. For everything."

"Doesn't matter, Seb. I'm out."

As she opened the door she heard him whisper, "Jon wouldn't have wanted this."

She paused and looked over her shoulder. "I know. But he's gone. We – I have to move on." And without waiting for a response she stepped out of his apartment, closing the door behind her.

It didn't take her long to start running, despite her protesting legs. When she got to the diner, instead of going in, she stayed outside and texted Jace. She slid down the side of the building and pulled her knees up to her chest. She placed two fingers to her neck and it felt tender. Knowing that the bruises were going to start showing, she pulled her hair around either side of her neck. The past hour replayed itself through her mind and she let the tears fall.

. . .

They were laughing at a joke Simon made when Jace felt his phone vibrate in his pocket. He felt himself frown when he read the text. Without responding, he closed his phone and stood up from the table.

"What's wrong?" Izzy asked.

"It's Clary," he sighed. "Look, she asked that you guys stay here, at least for now. I'll be back." He turned and walked out of the diner, without waiting for a response from them.

When he rounded the corner, his heart fell into his stomach when he saw her.

Clary was sitting against the building, sobbing into her knees that were pulled up to her chest. When he ran over to her, he noticed the tiny cuts on her upper arm. They weren't bleeding too much so he figured they weren't too deep.

"Clary, what happened?" He was sure worry showed in his eyes and was definitely in his voice.

When she didn't answer he pushed her hair back from her face, and by doing so revealed a large bruise around her neck.

Anger replaced whatever panic he felt and he heard himself growl. "Clary. What. Happened?"

She was sobbing too hard to create coherent sentences, but from what she could spit out, it wasn't hard for Jace to put the pieces together.

"Sebastian…after…released…just went crazy. " Then she continued to sob harder. "Then…Jonathan." _Jonathan? __How __did __he __fit __into __all __this?_

"Shh, Clary. It's okay. You're safe, love. No one's going to hurt you now."

"I'm…I'm sorry." She took several deep breaths, attempting to calm herself down. "I hate crying."

Jace smiled, he couldn't believe she was apologizing. "Love," he said softly, wiping away the remaining tears. "You don't ever need to apologize. I will _always_ be here for you."

Clary smiled but he could still see the pain in her eyes. She wrapped her arms around his neck and whispered, "Thank you," in his ear. He brought his arms around her and pulled her closer.

"Always." He said into her hair. He stroked the top of her head down to her back a few times.

"Take me home," she whimpered. He hated hearing her so sad and broken.

He placed an arm around her back and the other under her knees and picked her up. He cradled her close to his chest and began walking away in the direction of Clary's house.

But an ice cold voice stopped him dead in his tracks.

"Herondale!" It was Sebastian. The bastard had the nerve to chase after Clary.

He felt her grip his shirt and barely whisper, "Don't turn around, Jace. Keeping going. Please, Jace."

He was frozen in his spot, conflicted. A major part of him wanted to protect Clary and do what she asked. But another part of him wanted to set her down, turn around and give that asshole what he deserves for hurting his (yes _his_) Clary.

"Seb?"

"What are you doing here?"

"What happened?"

"Clary? Jace?"

"Would someone please explain what's going on?"

Jace heard the others ask question after question, but couldn't answer them. He wanted to scream and shout that Sebastian had hurt Clary, that he made her cry and bruised her throat. Placing one foot in front of the other he began walking away, with a silently crying Clary in his arms.

"You don't know what you're doing, Herondale! You think you can take care of her? You can't! You have no idea what she's been through! You don't know what happened to Jonathan!"

Clary flinched at the sound of her brother's name and Jace tightened his hold on her and quickened his pace.

* * *

><p>Once he arrived at Clary's house, he set her down so she could unlock the door. But he kept his hands on her waist to keep her steady.<p>

She ran in the house and flew up the stairs. Jace closed and locked the door before following her.

When he got to her room his eyes widened, as if they were going to pop out of his head. Clary was now sobbing and throwing things around her room. She threw books, stuffed animals and jewelry in a corner of her room. She even threw a bracelet out the window.

There were a few lose pictures hanging around her mirror and they were next. Clary grabbed one in each hand, and without looking crumpled them up and threw them in the pile with the other objects.

In one picture, Jace noticed, was somebody that was not Sebastian, Simon, or Izzy. This boy had lighter, blonde, almost off-white hair and a soft, playful smile. _Jonathan_. Next to him was Clary, smiling beautifully, her bright green eyes shined with bliss. It was the happiest Jace had ever seen her.

He watched as the picture was snatched up, crumpled in Clary's small hand, and then added to the pile. "Clary, don't you think you should keep that one?"

Clary didn't answer or pick up the picture. Instead, she picked up a picture frame and with a half sob half scream threw it to the ground with such force that the glass shattered.

Jace knew he should step in, but felt paralyzed. He never thought that such a delicate girl could be so crazed, so violent.

So he watched.

He watched as Clary whipped around to grab another frame off her desk but knocked her sketchpad and pencils off by accident.

Watching the cup of pencils crash to the floor must have snapped her out of her frenzy because she fell to the floor and stared at the spilled materials. Tears still rolled down her face, but her sobs became quiet. Jace could see her whole body shake. Somehow he found himself walk toward her and crouched down next to her. Tentatively he reached out and touched her shoulder. She tensed at first, but then relaxed. Jace pulled her into him with a sigh of relief.

He wasn't sure what to say so he just let her cry. After a while, he picked her up and carried her to her bed. He crawled in after her and she curled right up next to him.

Her breathing returned to normal and her eyes dried themselves up, but her body was still slightly shaking. Jace kept one arm wrapped around her and ran his other hand through her hair.

"Jace, stay with me. Don't leave. Please, stay." Clary pleaded after several minutes of silence.

"Don't worry, love. I'm not going anywhere. I'm staying right here."

They repeated the same thing to each other until Clary fell asleep, enveloped in Jace's arms.

Jace was just about to drift to sleep when he heard Clary's voice, speaking in her sleep.

"Jace." She sighed. "Stay, please."

He stared at her relaxed sleeping form before kissing her temple then letting sleep capture him with a smile on his face.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: This update is kind of late (for me) and I apologize. I've got a lot of stuff due before break. But when I'm on break then it will hopefully be non-stop writing :)**

**I wasn't sure which song was better for this chapter, so I listed both. They are great songs and I highly recommend them!**

**Hope you enjoyed this chapter :)**

**Thank you so much to all those who read/review/add to favorites and alerts! You make smile every time I get that e-mail :)**


	9. Reason

_**** ALL CHARACTERS AND EVERYTHING MORTAL INSTRUMENTS RELATED IS OWNED BY CASSANDRA CLARE****_

* * *

><p>Clary woke to the sun shining brightly through her window. As she let her eyes adjust, she recognized the large shape next to her. Jace. He had spent the night with her again. Smiling, she kissed him lightly on the lips once, twice, three times. She watched a smile form, the only indication that he was also awake.<p>

"Good morning," she whispered. Clary sat up and swung her legs over the side of her bed, but before she could stand up a pair of strong, muscular arms circled around her waist, pulling her against Jace's chest.

"Where do you think you're going?" He teased, nuzzling his face in her hair.

"I have class, I need to take a shower." But she made no effort to break out of Jace's grasp.

"A shower, huh?" His nose began grazing up and down her neck. "Need help with that?"

She turned in his arms and lightly kissed him, "Tempting, but no. Stay here, I'll be right back." Then she gently unwrapped Jace's arms from around her and stood up.

After grabbing fresh clothes Clary started toward her bedroom door when she heard Jace call her in a serious tone. She turned slowly, already knowing what he was going to say.

"Clary, we need to talk about last night."

She looked at her feet, ashamed. She was never violent before, nor did she break down like that. Ever. Talking about it was the last thing she wanted to do.

"I know, Jace. We will, just let me shower first." Without waiting for a response, Clary slipped out the door and closed it behind her.

On her way to the bathroom she passed her mother's room. She stared at the closed door for a moment. When she felt the tears build back up behind her eyes she tore her gaze away and walked into the bathroom.

She turned the water on and let the heat and steam calm her tense muscles. Leaning her head against the wall, Clary thought about the past few days. Everything happened so fast. She barely remembered meeting Jace, it was as if he has always been there with her. She believed in fate and believed that fate brought them together.

Then her thoughts drifted to Sebastian. And how he changed so much over the past year. Last night was roughest he ever was with her. Sure he left his fair share of bruises before, but last night she was _scared_ of him. An emotion she never felt about Sebastian before.

She shivered, even though the water was as hot as it could be. After quickly washing her hair and body, Clary turned off the water and stepped out of the shower.

She was fully clothed and dry when she returned to her room only to find Jace sprawled out on her bed, asleep again. Taking advantage of the moment, she looked over his sleeping figure, admiring every part of him.

A grin appeared on his face. "Are you going to join me?"

Clary crawled onto the bed and was immediately pulled into Jace.

"Tell me about last night?" She didn't look at him when he asked. Instead she just stared at his unexposed chest.

When she didn't answer right away he placed two fingers under her chin and lifted her head up so her eyes met his. "At least tell me what I am kicking Sebastian's ass for. What did he do? Aside from this." His hand brushed over the bruise on her neck.

Clary shivered, not from pain, but rather from the feel of Jace's sensitive touch. Sighing, she began to tell Jace about the previous night. She watched as his eyes grew darker with each detail.

"After he mentioned Jon I walked out of his apartment, ran to Taki's and texted you. And well, you know the rest…"

"I am going to kill him." Jace growled.

Clary placed a hand on his chest and felt him relax right away. "Please, Jace. Don't do anything. I told him it was over, whether Jon would want it or not. That's it. It's over."

Feeling his anger subside, she ran her hand up his chest and tangled it in his hair. She pulled his head down and their lips met.

Before the kiss deepened Clary pulled away. "I really have to go to class." She got off the bed, grabbed a scarf from the back of her desk chair, and wrapped it around her neck. It was getting colder so no one would think twice about her scarf.

Jace closed his eyes and nodded and also got off the bed. "I'll walk you."

* * *

><p>Four hours later Clary walked out of the Institute to meet Jace. He held two cups in his hand.<p>

"Coffee, love?" He offered one.

"Mmmm, thank you." Clary took a sip. It was so good.

"How was class?" They began walking back towards Clary's house hand-in-hand.

"So boring. I zoned out for three of the four of them. Drawing was the only one I paid attention to of course. What did you do?"

Jace shrugged, "I went home for a little bit."

Clary stopped walking, causing Jace to stop walking as well. "What's wrong?"

Instead of answering, Clary pushed him down a side street and lifted his shirt high.

"Clary, what are you doing?" Surprisingly, he didn't sound angry but worried. He watched as she studied his chest and realized what she was doing. Most of his cuts were half healed but a few of them from the other day still looked fresh.

She brought her hand up and gently ran it down his chest. He was perfect, even with the cuts and scars, to Clary they were a part of him.

Her voice shook with worry and fear. Fear for him. "There aren't…I mean… You didn't…"

Jace wrapped his hand around Clary's wrist and brought her hand up to face level and place a tender kiss on her palm. "Clary, I haven't cut myself since I met you. I have no reason to."

"What do you mean? Why did you even do it in the first place?" Her voice was quiet but full of curiosity.

"Let me try to explain. I started after my mom died. I did it because I was so numb to the world. I felt like I wasn't even here. Cutting it…it brought me back. I caused me to _feel_ something. Without the pain, I didn't feel anything. But then I met you, and instantly you made me feel things I thought I never could. You're my reason. You have completely turned my life around these past few days."

He closed his eyes and took a few long, deep breaths. When he opened his eyes he saw that Clary was staring right back at him. Her eyes were wide, bright, sparkling green. Instead of the disgust or fear that he would have expected, Jace saw affection and adoration in her eyes. She had to stand on her tip toes to kiss him on his forehead.

"You never deserved any of the pain you've experienced. I am so sorry, Jace. But like you once told me, I want to say the same thing. I will always be here with you, for you."

Jace's lips came crashing down on hers. It was passionate and desperate at the same time. The kiss deepened instantly as their tongues danced with each other. Clary's hand twisted in Jace's hair, pulling him closer. Jace's strong arms wrapped around her waist, keeping her safe from the rest of the world.

Jace pulled away all too soon, his hand cupped her face and he smiled. "Come on, I've got a surprise for you."

Clary stole one last quick kiss and nodded. Jace moved his hands from her face and placed one arm around her waist as they walked back to Clary's house.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: I am so sorry for the super short filler. It was either this short or a really long chapter that would have taken longer to update. There will only be 2 maybe 3 chapters and an epilogue left. I am starting on my next fanfic "Famous Last Words". I'll be posting the first chapter soon :)**

**Thanks for all the reviews/alerts/favorites! You guys make my day :)**

**PS Happy Thanksgiving for everyone in the States!**


	10. Broken

_****ALL CHARACTERS AND EVERYTHING MORTAL INSTRUMENTS RELATED IS OWNED BY CASSANDRA CLARE****_

**Chapter Songs: Broken - Lifehouse**

** We are Broken - Paramore**

***All lyrics to Broken and We are Broken belong to Lifehouse and Paramore (respectively) and their respective owners***

* * *

><p>As Clary approached her house with Jace by her side she noticed something on the front porch. When she got closer she saw that it was a large picnic basket and a blanket. She smiled and looked up at Jace who happened to be looking down at her.<p>

"What do you think?" His smile was just as wide as hers.

It was a beautiful day, the perfect weather. "A picnic sounds perfect."

"Should we go to the park?"

Clary thought about this. She knew what they were going to end up talking about. If she was going to talk about Jonathan then there was only one place she was going to do it. Silently, she grabbed Jace's hand and led him behind her house to her backyard.

Clary stopped at the path to entrance to the woods and nodded at Jace. Even though he was slightly confused, Jace didn't question her decision as he laid down the blanket. Out of the basket he pulled two sandwiches, two apples and two cans of soda.

"I thought this would be a good idea for a first date."

"A first date? Really?"

They both sat down on the blanket, facing the woods, and grabbed one of each item.

Jace nodded, "I thought it was about time, don't you?"

Clary smiled and nodded. But her smile quickly faded as she thought of something else. "Um, Jace? Speaking of 'about time' and all, I think I'm ready to talk. I just want to say that I'm sorry for last night." She looked down at her uneaten sandwich and suddenly didn't feel like eating. She thought she was ready, but now she felt more tears threatening to invade.

Jace gently pushed a few strands of hair behind her ear and lifted her chin so her eyes met his. "You have nothing to feel sorry about, love. Nothing. What Sebastian did…what he… God I want to kill him. But you do not and should not feel sorry."

A few tears escaped and ran down Clary's face as she said, "But it is, Jace. It is all because of me."

Clary saw Jace's confused expression and stopped him from protesting. "Let me explain." She took a deep breath and dived into the story of her past.

"My brother and I were pretty much inseparable. My father was a drug lord. He ran all kind of underground and back alley transactions. I never really understood the whole thing. But he told us that he loved us, and being so, so naïve, we both believed him. When he wasn't dealing with drug shipments or anything like that he was home with us. He was a great father. Until Jon turned 14, I was 13."

Jace saw that Clary became angry and grabbed her hand as he listened to her continue her story.

"Our father thought he would try something new. He had one of us go to the drop sight for him and retrieve his smaller shipments, figuring that no one would question young children. Once we were involved he no longer came home as often, and when he did it wasn't to spend time with us. He _used_ us and gained our trust to further his business. It went on for two years. Jon and I alternated drop days. Then one day I was sick with the flu and Jon offered to go in my place. My mother begged him not to go and to get someone else to do it. She hated the idea of us risking our lives for our father. She tried to stop it more than once, but it never worked out in her favor.

Jon went to the drop, that night it was a small marina, a few miles away. However, the drop was a set-up, intended to catch our father. Once the goods were passed from the deliverer's hands to Jon's all hell broke loose. They ended up shooting five people total, one of which was Jon. The cops said that they tried to avoid Jon, but I don't know how much I believe them."

Tears were now streaming down her face and Clary vaguely felt Jace wipe them away. She told the last part of her story through her tears, trying not to sob too much.

"They caught two of the survivors and I guess they quickly gave up our father. But Jon didn't survive the night. We received a call that night letting us know that our father was arrested and my brother was dead. In one phone call – one night – our family fell apart, broken.

My mother locked herself in her room for days at a time. She's been on a downward spiral of depression for the past three years, each day retreating more and more into herself until…well you saw. She left all together."

Clary couldn't control the sobs that now racked her body. She didn't even realize that Jace moved and now held her close to him. "I never had a chance to say good-bye to Jon. And I caused it all. It was all because of me. That's why my mom left, she couldn't stand living with the cause of her son's death."

"No, Clary. It's not your fault; you can't blame yourself for something that was out of your control."

Clary didn't say anything while Jace spoke words of comfort and ran his fingers through her hair.

"The only way I could cope was through Sebastian. He was hurting just as much me, only he didn't know why Jon died. We told him that he was in the wrong place at the wrong time. I don't think he ever really believed us, but he accepted it. We helped heal each other and eventually fell in love. Except now I don't think it was ever love. I think that we just used each other to feel better about Jon's death. I'm so sorry."

Jace knew that she wasn't apologizing to him, but he didn't know if it was to her mother, father, Sebastian or Jonathan. Or all of them.

He held the empty shell of Clary's broken soul as she continued to sob into his chest, whispering her apologies to all those she loved and lost.

* * *

><p>"Tell me about your childhood." Clary asked once she stopped crying.<p>

Jace had taken a bite out of his apple, when he was done he asked. "Are you sure you want to hear about it? It's not that great."

"Doesn't matter. I want to know about you. Tell me at least one memory, please?"

They were now lying side by side on the blanket. Clary grabbed Jace's hand and he began making small circles on the back of her hand.

"Okay. Let's see. This one time my mom took me to a zoo. I was ten or eleven. At the time I thought it was really stupid. But now that I look back on it I feel like I should have taken advantage of every moment I had with her. The beatings were brutal and I guess she wanted to take me away for a day. I saw so many animals."

He stared up at the sky for a while before saying anything else. "I really loved my mom. There are times when I get so angry that she took herself away from me and for being so selfish. But most of the time I miss her, so much. My father was never a father. She was all I had."

Clary used her free hand to move his face so that they were looking at each other now. "Not anymore, you have me. You'll always have me."

Jace brought their intertwined hands up to his lips and softly kissed Clary's hand. "I know that now. Thank you." Then he brought his lips down on hers.

The kiss was slow and gentle, but Clary wanted more. She fisted her hand in his shirt and pulled him closer. A small moan escaped her mouth as he ran his tongue across her bottom lip. She opened her mouth to his and their tongues greedily tasted each other. Jace moved down and began leaving a trail of open mouthed kisses along Clary's jaw line, up to her ear and down to the base of her neck. He pulled her closer and closer and closer until he was just hugging her.

She felt so safe in his strong arms. With him she felt that she could begin to heal.

They stayed in each other's arms until the sun began to set. As they packed up their picnic Clary checked her phone. She frowned when she saw three missed calls and one text message – from Sebastian. The text message simply read: _I __need __to __see __you __in __person __so __I __can __properly __apologize. __Please, __I __need __you. __~Seb_

"What was that?" Jace noticed she closed her phone harshly.

"Um, nothing. Just another hair crisis with Izzy." Why she lied, Clary had no idea, but she figured that Jace wouldn't be too happy that Seb was bothering her.

He didn't question her. He folded the blanket, took Clary's hand, and walked back to her house. Clary shoved her phone in her pocket and ignored the calls and the text message.

* * *

><p>It had been a week since their picnic and Jace had fallen right in with their little group. It was like he belonged all along. They kept the same routine when she had class: he would walk her to the Institute and be there when she was finished. Aside from the constant calls and texts from Sebastian, Clary couldn't be happier. She had called Luke and found out that her mother wasn't any worse, but wasn't getting any better. Luke told her that she spent her days sitting on the couch or in her room and just stared off into space. Clary missed her mother so much but she didn't have it in her to go back to the way things were, back to when she took care of her mother more than she took care of herself. With Jace by her side she felt more, hell, she just <em>felt<em> in general.

"So, Pandemonium tonight?" Izzy asked, bringing Clary out of her thoughts.

"Hell to the yeah! Let's have some fun." Magnus agreed excitedly. Alec and Simon both nodded.

"I'm definitely in. Jace?" Clary looked up at Jace and he smiled and also nodded.

A few hours later the group was in the club dancing the night away. Alec and Magnus were at the bar, Izzy and Simon were dancing together, and Clary was wrapped in Jace's arms just swaying to the beat on the dance floor. Izzy had dressed Clary in a tight green dress that came to mid-thigh and brought out the color of her eyes. Her hair was up in a messy bun but some strands were left out to frame her face. Jace was in a pair of black jeans with a white button up that showed off his abs, but kept his scars concealed. Clary had to keep herself from attacking the small groups of girls that conveniently danced right in front of them and Jace threw cold glances to any guy that he caught staring at Clary's petite body.

Clary's back was pressed up against Jace's chest with his arms securely around her waist. His nose was gliding up and down the back of her neck and she shivered each time she felt his hot breath on the soft spot where her neck meets her shoulder.

Twisting in his arms so that they now faced each other, Clary wrapped her arms around Jace's neck and played with the lower hairs on the back of his neck. "Are you having a good time?"

Jace was leaving a trail of hot kisses up her neck and when he reached her ear he said, "Mmmm, yes, I am." Then he playfully bit her earlobe.

He brought his face up so that now he was looking right into her eyes, his lips just out of reach of hers. Clary parted her mouth and her tongue darted out and wet her lips in anticipation.

He grinned and chuckled a little. "Expecting something?"

Clary gave him a flirty smile and looked up through her eyelashes, "Maybe."

"What do I get in return?" Even though he was whispering, Clary could hear him loud and clear.

"What do you want?"

Jace's mouth traveled back to her ear and he said sweetly, "Only and always you." Then his lips came crashing down on hers. Their tongues instantly began to tango and the rest of the world seemed to fall away, leaving only them, wrapped in their tight embrace.

At least until Simon coughed next to them, "Get a room already."

Smiling at each other, Clary and Jace broke apart and followed Simon and Izzy to the bar. Magnus and Alec were still closely conversing and didn't even notice Izzy and Simon sit next to them. Clary sat down on the bar stool next to Simon and Jace sat next to her.

"Gin and tonic, love?" Clary nodded at Jace and turned to talk to Simon.

But when she saw the very pretty bartender walk over to Jace all of Simon's words were lost. She watched as the bartender placed her elbows on the counter right in front of Jace and leaned forward, causing her boobs to practically fall out of her top.

"What can I get for you, Hot Stuff?" Her voice was nasally and breathy.

"Gin and tonic and two shots of whiskey."

"Mixing drinks, Jace?" Her hand was slowing moving across the counter and Jace pulled his hands back and placed on Clary's lap and kept the other in his own.

"One is for my girlfriend."

Clary saw the bartender give her an unimpressed look and throw her blonde hair over her shoulder. She moved even closer to Jace over the counter. "Well, are you sure you don't want anything else?"

If Clary didn't want to claw this girl's eyes out already she as hell did now.

Jace said two words, very clearly, "No Kaelie. " Effectively ending their "conversation".

He looked at Clary with apologetic eyes. "I'm sorry."

She wasn't mad, just annoyed, so she just shrugged. Turning back to Simon she realized that he was talking this whole time and she didn't hear anything he said. "I'm sorry, Si. What did you say?"

"It's okay. I said that my band is playing a gig next week, you should come see it."

Clary smiled at her best friend, "I wouldn't miss it." Then she faked gagged and mumbled under her breath, "Whore alert." Simon burst out laughing as Kaelie brought the drinks over and set the two shots in front of Jace along with Clary's gin and tonic.

Although she didn't lean over the counter again, Kaelie planted herself right in front of Jace. "You should know, Jace, I don't need you anymore…"

"Good."

"I have a boyfriend of my own. He's at the end of the bar." She grinned, but it was so fake. Both Jace and Clary knew that she didn't want him; she still wanted Jace.

At the same time, they both looked to where Kaelie mentioned and saw Sebastian grinning back at them. Clary didn't feel anything towards him. Not shock, fear, affection…nothing. He was just another person who entered and left her life.

She tore her gaze away from him when she noticed Kaelie now standing in front of her. "Have fun with my sloppy seconds." She sneered.

"Have fun with mine." Clary spat back. She watched with satisfaction as Kaelie couldn't hide the shock on her face.

"Whatever," Kaelie stomped off.

Jace had done his shots, Clary was half way through her gin and tonic, and Sebastian was still staring at her. She'd be lying if she said that he wasn't bothering her a little. Unable to take it anymore, Clary kissed Jace.

"Let's go home," she said when they broke apart. Jace nodded, stood up, and led her out of the club. They walked the few blocks to Clary's house in silence.

When they were back in Clary's room, she unzipped her dress and let it fall to the ground. Jace's eyes widened but they were a shade darker than usual. She stepped out of her dress and over to Jace where she went to work on the buttons on his shirt.

He grabbed her wrists, stopping her where she was. "Are you sure?"

"Jace, please. I need you." Her eyes and voice pleaded and Jace couldn't fight it anymore.

He removed Clary's wrists from her shirt and quickly undid the buttons himself. His shirt was on the floor and Clary's hand immediately felt the hard plains of his chest, scars and all. He pulled her closer and kissed her forehead. Clary's hands traveled down until they reached the top of his jeans. She undid the button and unzipped the zipper and with a push, Jace's pants were around his ankles. They were both left in their undergarments.

Jace laid her down on the bed, his arms were wrapped around her but still held most of his weight, and the rest of their clothes were quickly removed.

"I want you, so bad." Jace looked right in to Clary's bright green eyes.

"Then take me, I'm yours." Clary said, looking right back into those dark golden orbs. They weren't empty like the first time they met. Now, Clary could see the emotion in them. They were so full of care and affection.

Clary pulled Jace's face down to meet hers as he sank into her. Their bodies found a steady rhythm and as they neared their climax they began to move faster.

Jace fell on Clary as they came down from their high. They were both still panting when Jace moved them on their sides and pulled Clary into him. Clary clung to that safe feeling that came with Jace's arms around her as she thought of how well they fit together – in every sense of the word. Both were damaged, broken, and Clary couldn't help but think that this made them perfect for each other. They were supposed to be right where they are, at that exact time. It was fate.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Sorry if this chapter moved a little fast, the story is winding down and I want to make sure that I tie up all lose ends. Thanks to everyone who stuck with me! There is only one chapter left and an epilogue.**

**Thanks again to everyone who read, review, and added this story to their favorites/alerts! :) **


	11. Blink

_****ALL CHARACTERS AND EVERYTHING MORTAL INSTRUMENTS RELATED IS OWNED BY CASSANDRA CLARE****_

**Chapter Song: Run - Snow Patrol**

***Lyrics to Run belong to Snow Patrol and its respective owners***

******A/N: So this chapter may seem a bit confusing since one scene will be in Jace's POV and then the same scene will be in Clary's**

* * *

><p>Clary woke up the next morning to an empty bed and a piece of paper next to her.<p>

_Good morning, love. You looked so peaceful and perfect lying there that I just couldn't wake you up. I ran to Taki's to get us breakfast. I'll be back soon._

_~J_

Clary stretched out on her bed, feeling a little bit sore but in a good way. She smiled as she replayed everything from the night before over and over in her head. Rolling out of bed with just a sheet around her, Clary grabbed a pair of shorts and a tank top. Once Jace got back with the food and they finished eating, she figured that their clothes would just come off again so why bother putting too many on?

Clary was in the middle of getting plates and flatware out when she heard an impatient knock on her front door. She didn't know why Jace was knocking, but maybe he accidently locked himself out. When she opened the door, it wasn't Jace standing there. It was a very tired-looking Sebastian. He had bags under his eyes, as if he hasn't slept in days and there was some stubble growing on his chin and up his jaw line.

"Seb," Clary gasped. "What are you doing here?"

"You ignored all my calls and texts. Why?" He didn't sound angry, but his voice was shaky. He walked into Clary's house and she didn't even try to stop him. She was too shocked to register what was happening. The only thing she could do was continue to back up as he approached her. She wanted as much distance between them as possible.

"You should leave, Seb. I don't want to talk to you." Her voice was anything but forceful. If she ever talked to him or saw him again Clary thought she would be angry, but instead she felt fear settle into her stomach. She didn't like the blank emptiness in his eyes.

"But Clary," his voice was steady and his eyes never left hers as he lifted up his shirt and took out the gun that was nestled in the front of his pants. "I want to talk to you."

Clary felt the color drain from her face, her hands became cold and clammy. "Where did you get that?" Fear seeped into every word.

"Stole it from the safe in my father's office. I'm sure he won't notice." He raised the gun.

She was frozen, she couldn't move, she couldn't even look away from Sebastian. "You said you wanted to talk. So talk."

He just shook his head. "You ignored me. I just wanted to see you, to apologize for the other day. I need you, Clary. You're all I have left."

"I don't want you, Seb." Her fear made her bold. If she was going to die, she wanted to die strong not weak. She heard him cock the gun. "Please, don't do this." There were no tears to cry, she just stared at the gun in his hand.

"You don't understand. This is the only way I can keep you, the only way the three of us can be together again. You, me and Jon. Don't you see?"

Clary closed her eyes. What she saw behind was not the three of them, instead she pictured Jace. Jace, her perfect angel. He shined with a bright gold aura around him, he was truly beautiful. She still wanted to draw him. But at the moment she wanted nothing more to be wrapped in his warm arms, keeping her safe.

"Yes, that would be nice," she whispered. Her breathing was steady and she opened her eyes as Sebastian pulled the trigger.

. . .

Jace was waiting for the food at Taki's. It was taking an unusually long time and he knew that Clary would probably be up by the time he got back. The food was finally brought out to him and he walked back to Clary's house. As he approached her house a strange feeling settled in his gut, something felt wrong. That awful feeling was amplified when he saw that her front door was open. He ran up the porch steps and almost died when he saw what was inside.

Lying on the floor, covered in blood was his Clary. Next to her, also covered in blood was Sebastian, dead. He dropped the food and ran over to her side. There was so much blood, he didn't know how much of it was hers and how much was Sebastian's. He saw a large hole in the side of his head and a gun in his hand.

Jace grabbed Clary's hand and tried to find a pulse, but couldn't. The only thing that assured him that she was still alive was the slow rise of her chest.

"Clary, love, can you hear me? Please you have to open your eyes." Jace had never felt more afraid than he did in that moment. The world seemed to be spinning. _She __can__'__t __die. __Not __now._

Her eyes fluttered open, "Jace," her voice was so weak and quiet that Jace thought he imagined it.

"I'm here. Don't worry, you're going to be fine." He grabbed his phone and quickly dialed 9-1-1. He told the operator that Clary was shot, Sebastian was dead, and the address. "An ambulance is on its way. Stay with me Clary. Don't you dare close your eyes!"

"Jace," Clary coughed up blood. "Jace, I'm sorry."

Jace looked down at her stomach and saw that blood was still pouring out of her. He tried to cover it with one hand while he pulled Clary's head onto his lap. "Don't be sorry, you have nothing to be sorry _for_."

She disregarded his comment. "You have…you have to keep living. Promise me you will keep going. Let another in. Let…" she coughed again. "Let them heal you. I'm sorry I can't."

He moved his hand, now covered in her blood, from her stomach to her face. "Don't talk like that. You are not going to die. Please, _you __can__'__t._" For the first time in years, Jace felt tears build up behind his eyes.

Her breathing became short, shallow gasps and he knew he didn't have much more time.

"I'm glad…I got to…see you…one last time." Clary smiled up at Jace.

"Shh, Clary…" The smile was still on her face, but her eyes were beginning to close. "No! Clary, keep your eyes open, love. Please stay with me."

Jace heard the sirens. Paramedics flew into the house and pushed Jace out of the way. Everything seemed to be a blur to Jace. There were so many people. A few people were by Sebastian, but the rest were by Clary. They put Clary on a stretcher. As they wheeled her out of her house, Jace followed. He was stopped right before he got to the ambulance.

"I'm sorry, son, we can't let you on here if you're not family." A paramedic said.

"Look, her mother left her, her father is in prison, and her brother is dead. I'm all she has. Please, let me come with her."

The paramedic looked behind him and nodded. "Alright, but once we get to the hospital you will have to stay in the waiting room, okay?"

"Yes, thank you." Jace climbed in the ambulance with the paramedic right behind him.

He crouched next to the stretcher and held Clary's hand. He heard people around him shouting things, but he couldn't make out what they were saying. All he could think of was Clary. If he believed in a god he would pray that Clary would make it out of this alive. But he didn't believe and he didn't even know how to pray. So he put his faith in Clary's strength and hoped that she would survive.

Once at the hospital, Clary was immediately taken to the operating room. Jace stayed in the waiting room like he promised. He took out his phone and called Izzy. He sunk down in a chair, put his head in his hands, and waited for Izzy and Simon to come.

He didn't have to wait long. Izzy and Simon came bursting through the doors and bee-lined it right over to him.

"Where is she?" Jace heard Izzy's frantic voice. He knew they were just as worried, concerned and afraid for Clary as much as he was.

"They're operating on her. I don't know anything." His voice was flat. He didn't know what to feel first. Hurt. Anger. Guilt. Loss. Hope. Pain.

Izzy burst to tears and fell into Simon's arms. _At __least __they __have __each __other_.

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><p>Hours passed with no word of Clary's condition. Izzy and Simon took turns getting coffee. Three cups sat in front of Jace, untouched. Izzy bounced back and forth between anger and worry. Simon tried his best to calm her, but they all knew the cold, hard truth. Clary had a very slim chance of survival.<p>

A doctor came out and asked to see the family of Clarissa Fray. Both Izzy and Simon looked to Jace and told him to go.

Jace walked up to the doctor and introduced himself. "Jace Herondale. How is she?"

"Are you family?"

"No, her boyfriend. Her father is in prison and her brother is dead. We also have no way of knowing where her mother is or how to contact her. She left about a week ago."

"I see," the doctor said sadly. "Well, I wish I could give you some good news."

Jace sharply took in a breath and held it, preparing for the worst.

"Clarissa – "

"Clary." He corrected. 'Clarissa' sounded different, distant.

"Of course. Clary was hit in the stomach and lost a lot of blood. Her close proximity to the gun caused the bullet to go right through her, causing even more blood loss. We've closed the wound but I'm not sure how long she will last."

"How long?"

"It depends on how fast her body heals. She could pull through until tomorrow or it could be just a few hours."

"Can I see her?" Jace was lifeless, his hope was slowly being crushed.

"We put her in a coma, but yes you can see her. She is only on oxygen right now." The doctor turned and Jace followed, leaving Izzy and Simon.

The doctor pulled back the curtain and revealed Clary's bed. Jace nearly collapsed at the sight of her. She was hooked up to different IVs and had needles and tubes connected to her at all different places. Her face was as white as the pillows she was resting on. The only color was her fiery red hair splayed out behind her head. He couldn't see any of the damage due to the sheet that covered her body from her chest down. She looked so small and fragile, but Jace could still see her beauty.

He pulled a chair over to her bed and took her hand in his. "Hi, love." The tears he felt prickling his eyes earlier at Clary's house now began to fall. "Please, Clary. You have to stay strong. I need you, we all need you. I finally found you. You made me such a better person. You made me feel emotions that I thought I would never be able to feel again. You made me feel _alive_. So you see, you can't die, not now. Without you I'm not _me._ Without you, I'm nothing. I love you, Clary." He laid his head down next to Clary's arm, still holding her hand.

He didn't know what he was going to do. Everything this past week played back in his mind. It all happened so fast. In the blink of an eye, Clary had entered his life and he never felt happier. And in the blink of an eye she could be taken away from him, leaving him even emptier than before.

"_Jace, I love you."_

"What?" His head shot up and looked at Clary's face.

Her mouth was just slightly open. Maybe he imagined it, maybe he didn't hear anything at all. But one sound was perfectly clear to him. The beeping of the monitor - beginning to slow.

_Beep beep beep_

_Beep…Beep…Beep_

_Beep_

_Beep_

Until it was just one, flat, monotone sound.

. . .

At first she felt nothing. Then pain began to spread throughout her whole body. She hand went to her stomach and she felt a think, sticky fluid. Opening her eyes, she looked down at her hand. It was covered in blood. Her knees gave out on her and she fell to the floor. She felt herself gasp for air.

"Clary," Sebastian bent down next to her.

"Get away from me!" She tried to move away but that only caused more pain.

He gently caressed her cheek, "I'm sorry. It's the only way." Then he raised the gun to his own head. "We belong together, all of us." And he pulled the trigger again.

Clary watched as his lifeless body fell to the floor right next to her. His eyes were still open so she closed them. Then she thought of Jace again and closed her own eyes.

She didn't know how much time passed. A few seconds, minutes, hours even. But she heard a soft, slightly panicked voice.

"Clary, love, can you hear me? Please you have to open your eyes." It was Jace.

Her eyes fluttered open, "Jace," her voice sounded weak, even to her own ears.

"I'm here. Don't worry, you're going to be fine." He grabbed his phone and quickly dialed 9-1-1. She heard him speak on the phone and closed her eyes. She wanted to fall asleep to the sound of his voice. "An ambulance is on its way. Stay with me Clary. Don't you dare close your eyes!"

"Jace," Clary felt a think liquid in her throat and coughed. Blood came up. "Jace, I'm sorry."

Her vision started going blurry even though she kept her eyes open. She felt a little pressure on her stomach and it felt better. Then she felt him lift her head a little. "Don't be sorry, you have nothing to be sorry _for_."

She knew what was happening. The pain began to overwhelm her thoughts and she just wanted to fall asleep. But she couldn't let Jace fall apart after she was gone. "You have…you have to keep living. Promise me you will keep going. Let another in. Let…" she coughed again. "Let them heal you. I'm sorry I can't."

"Don't talk like that. You are not going to die. Please, _you __can__'__t.__"_

It hurt to breathe and Clary took in air in small gasps. "I'm glad…I got to…see you…one last time." Clary smiled up at Jace and let darkness take her.

* * *

><p>She felt like she was in a tunnel. It was dark all around her and there was a light at the end. It was getting closer, or bigger, she couldn't tell. But it wasn't a white light. It was <em>golden<em>. Through the light she made out a shape. She would recognize it anywhere. _Jace._ He stopped right in front of her. She reached out and tried to touch him, but he stayed away. She frowned and moved forward. It seemed that with each step she took forward, he moved backwards.

Half the tunnel was now lit up. Clary was in the dark half and Jace was in the light. Instead of retreating any more, Jace began walking back towards Clary. He extended his hand to her, but again he was just out of reach. She saw that their hands were not even an inch away. She wished that she could just touch him.

As the light became brighter, Jace became blurrier and blurrier. He was fading. _No, __don__'__t __go,_she wanted to scream, but no sound came out of her mouth. He smiled at her but began retreating back into the light, leaving her frozen in darkness. She opened her mouth and tried to speak again. Hoping that he heard her, she said, "_Jace, __I __love __you__" _ as the rest of the tunnel became enveloped in the bright golden light.

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><p><strong>AN: Thank you to everybody who has stuck with me by reading, reviewing, adding this to their favorites/alerts or all of the above :) You guys are awesome! **

**I'm so excited because I'm going to reach my goal of finishing this story by the end of the month :)**

**The epilogue is next! ~Thanks again :D**


	12. Roses

_****ALL CHARACTERS AND EVERYTHING MORTAL INSTRUMENTS RELATED IS OWNED BY CASSANDRA CLARE****_

**Chapter Song: Hey Now - Augustana**

***All lyrics to Hey Now belong to Augstana and its respective owners***

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><p>The sound of leaves crunching under feet could be heard as he made his way through the cemetery. He stopped in front of one particular grave, in his hand were two roses. One was red the other was white. It had been exactly one month since the day she died and he could remember everything like it was yesterday. The memories of that day still haunted him.<p>

"_Jace, __I __love __you.__" _ He never stopped questioning whether she actually said it or if he just heard it.

The funeral service was small and short. Along with himself and their friends, there were a few family friends that showed up, but otherwise it was a small, intimate crowd. Clary's mother and Luke were there also, but she didn't make eye contact with anyone. At the cemetery he was the first one to go up to the casket. In his hand he held two roses.

"What do they mean?" He heard Izzy quietly ask next to him.

"The red one is for love, the white one is a symbol of humility. It also means 'I'm worthy of you.' She did that for me. She made me feel like I had worth, that I was worthy enough to be with her. Together they mean 'unity'."

Izzy placed a hand on his shoulder. "She really loved you, Jace. Anyone could see that."

"I still love her. I will always love her."

Sebastian's funeral was that same day, but he wasn't going to stay for that. He kissed both roses and placed them on the top of the casket.

Shaking his head at the memory, he sat down in front of the tombstone. "Hi, love." He still felt the pain of her death every day.

"Well the good news today is that I am officially moved in with Izzy and Alec. I got a few bruises from my dad, but it's nothing I can't handle. And I've gone a whole week without cutting now."

After Clary's funeral he started cutting again. He rather feel the physical pain than the gaping hole in his chest. But he did his best to stop once he started moving into Izzy and Alec's apartment. Since her death he's felt empty, emptier than ever before. A piece of him was missing; it died along with Clary that day. He stopped talking to people, for the most part. He spoke the most when he was here, on his daily visits to her grave. Sometimes he spent hours just sitting and talking, sometimes the sadness was too overwhelming so he only stayed for a few minutes.

"I'm still lost without you, Clary. I don't know who I am anymore, the only time I ever knew was when I was with you. I feel like I'm not even here. Hell, I don't even want to be here. I want to be with you, wherever that is."

A few times he thought about suicide, but he couldn't do it. Her last wish was that he continue to live. How would she feel if she found out that he didn't listen to her? She also asked that he move on and find someone else. _How __could __she __ask __that __of __him?_ He wouldn't – no, _couldn__'__t_ – do that. Clary was his everything, there is no way that he would want to replace her. The thought of another taking her place was revolting. He only wanted Clary, he only needed Clary.

"I can't move on, not yet at least. Maybe not ever. I still feel you with me, Clary, and I never want that feeling to go away."

He thought of how fast his life changed. It only took a week for his life to be completely turned around and then turned back again. He remembered the first time he ever saw Clary. She was so radiant, like the light in the darkness of his life. Never had he ever believed in love at first sight, or love at all. But once he met her all that changed. Everything he ever believed was turned upside down.

Looking back on that night in the club, he thought that asking Clary to meet him the next day was too forward, but now he thought of it as the best decision he'd ever made. From that moment on, the pull and desire to be right next to her was undeniable and indescribable.

He looked up at the sky and saw that it had darkened a bit. Rain was coming. He placed the two roses against her tombstone and stood up. Looking down at her grave he spoke the last words he said to her right before she died.

"I love you, Clary."

As he turned to walk away he felt the first few raindrops fall until it became a steady shower.

Worth and love, intertwined to create unity. They were one, Jace and Clary. They gave to one what the other was missing, they completed each other. At her grave, the two roses that represented both of them, were being drenched. The rain came down hard and steady, as if it was the bottled up tears of a broken man, crying over his lost love.

~FIN.

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><p><strong>AN: Well this was a short last chapter, but hopefully it conveyed Jace's emotions.**

**Thank you thank you thank you to everyone for sticking with me on this emotional roller coaster of a story. It was my first one and all your support helped me so much! **

**If there were any loose ends that I didn't hit or if you are confused about anything just ask and I'll try to clear it up. I posted a playlist on my profile for this story. Its short but includes the songs from the chapters. The song 'Bittersweet Symphony' is on there just because I feel like its a good "credits" song. :)**

**Thanks again for all the review and adds to favorites/alerts! :D**


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